blessed.

2010-01-06T19:15:00.002+08:00

a thousand days

HAH. I haven't blogged in a super long time, and I don't think I intend to blog regularly.

Just a random thought: I was 'calculating' a few days ago.. and I realised that I have slightly less than a thousand days left in Perth. That doesn't sound like much time before I have to return to Singapore. In fact, it sounds really short. Then, I was reminded of the lyrics from the song titled "I'm Forever Yours" by Planetshakers:

I give my all to You
Send me and I will go for You
To the ends of the earth
I'll follow after You
I want the world to know
Your love endures forever

Tell me and I'll obey
This is far greater than sacrifice
Trusting You and not myself
Will always lead to blessing
Lord have Your way in me
Not my will, Yours be done

Here I stand within Your presence
Longing for Your touch
A thousand days cannot compare
To one day in Your courts

Hold me now
And never ever let me go
My Jesus, my precious Saviour
I'm forever Yours

I will worship You forever
I will worship You

Indeed, even as much as I enjoy the times I spent (and will be spending) in Perth, it will pale in comparison to just one day in His heavenly courts! :D

2008-07-19T18:49:00.003+08:00

Whee! I'm blogging again :P

- I just came back from Toastmasters Club Officers' Training today. Haha. I'm the newly appointed Vice President (Public Relations) :P
I've done 3 Prepared Speeches so far, 2 of them at other clubs. And I'm assigned the role of Toastmaster of the Day for the next club meeting! :/ Hope things will go well.

- I watched an original musical put up by my sec school yesterday - "My Father's Gift". It's supposed to be the last part of a trilogy, and was about how the Israelites entered the Promised Land. It's quite coincidental because I just started reading the book of Joshua. Acting and singing was good, and I'm really amazed by how talented the actresses were - the 3 main characters were only sec 1s!!

I love the songs too! Some excerpts:

"We're at the edge of a new frontier
At the start of a new beginning
God has been there to bless your destiny
He can count every grain of sand
Every hair on your head every strand
Put your trust in Him and you'll understand
God will give us the Promised Land
His Promised Land"

"Oh Lord help me to find myself
The one You believe that I could be
Lead me and guide me to walk in your ways
With your love in my heart I can face all of my days"

- I went night cycling from 11 Jul 2200 - 12 Jul 0630 with youths from church ^_^
Quite surprised by how I managed to survive the night but I didn't really feel the tiredness until we stopped cycling :)
shall remember to bring snacks along for the next night cycling trip (if there's a next) cos i started getting hungry less than 1 hr after cycling even though i finished my dinner at abt 8.30pm. haha :P

2008-07-08T18:32:00.002+08:00

It has been a super super long time since i last blogged -_-" haha.

Anyway, I thank God for the many experiences, both pleasant and unpleasant, I've been through since the last time I blogged "properly".
There really seems to be too many to write about..

- I've received a scholarship from NUH to study Occupational Therapy. This I believe is something really by God's grace. I think it was literally a blessing in disguise of a misfortune. In short, i believe it was probably this event which i mentioned at the scholarship interview that helped me so much.
* indeed, God's ways are far greater than our ways, His thoughts are much higher than our thoughts :)

- there were some issues with the new La Trobe Bachelor of Health Science and Master of Occupational Therapy because its the first year they're having the new course structure in 2009. I'M NOT GOING TO MELBOURNE ANYMORE!
heh. actually, i'm having quite mixed feelings about this. on one hand, the qualifications from LTU seem VERY attractive. haha :P but on the other hand, i prayed after receiving the news and i seem to have more peace in my heart about going to Curtin (which the university i was forst interested in). there are many + points such as:
+ sp's sister is an OT lecturer in Curtin!
+ my aunt has a house 5 mins away from the campus
+ the fieldwork schedule is quite unique, with the last year consisting mainly of fieldwork -> more practice before actually becoming an OT
So maybe this closed door to LTU has brought me back to where God intended for me to go.

- I'm learning driving.

- I'm attending a 4 day course - Certificate in Practical Counselling Skills conducted by TOUCH Family Services

- oh ya! I'm working now, at TOUCH Child Care in Hougang as a Assistant Teacher/Office Staff. but this was not how i found out about the course in the previous point

- i'm tutoring, mainly people i know from church :)

- i attended church camp in malacca, from 18-21 june, and had a really blessed time :)

- still many many more but i shall stop here. don't know when (if ever,) my next post will be though! :P

2008-01-30T13:34:00.002+08:00

Reflections
Singapore General Hospital Occupational Therapy Department (7-18 Jan ’08)

Day 1

AM: We observed Mr Hee, an OT who specialised in outpatient hand therapy. OTs use various treatment methods such as Heat Therapy, Fluidotherapy, Laser and Ultrasound. Heat is applied to relax muscles, while cold compress is used to relieve swelling. OTs also create splints with special plastic to keep patients’ hands in position.

PM: Helped to outline a painting done by the OT Dept in conjunction with OT Day on 11 Jan. We are quite fortunate to get the opportunity to celebrate OT Day with the SGH OT Dept. [Quite cool to be celebrating OT day with them! =)] After that, I followed Mabel on her rounds. She conducted a caretaker assessment and training, functional assessments and fine motor exercises. This mainly involved daily activities such as wearing clothes and standing.

Mabel: Things like punctuality, reliability (able to deliver promises) are basics of being a good worker. In addition to that, OTs need to be
• Observant: every patient is different, need to look out for strengths & weaknesses. No two patients alike so therapy differs also
• Flexible, adaptable, willing to change: different diagnosis needs different treatment plans, not always a standard protocol for every condition. Tailor therapy to meet patients’ needs
• Teachable, reflective: willing to learn from mistakes and continue to improve so as to serve patients better
• Patience, sensibility: patients may take a long time to perform simple tasks, should behave appropriately, not laugh at patients
• Social skills: OTs work a lot with people so one must like interacting with different people, able to get along well
• Comfortable with touch

Day2

AM: Followed Natalie on rounds. She works mainly in the Neurology wards with stroke patients. Stroke may affect patients differently – some patients’ movement on one side will be greatly affected, others their vision or cognitive processes. One patient had problems organising thought and had the tendency to repeat actions. OTs help to explain the patients’ behaviour and educate caregivers, family members to help create a safe environment for them. Actually, one thing that struck me was how much time OTs spend with their patients and caregivers – they are not in a rush to simply get tasks/therapy done so that they can move on to the next patient. They have a holistic approach toward treatment, taking psychological, social and lifestyle factors into account.

PM: Followed Fabia (who studied at La Trobe) on rounds. She works in the Orthopaedic wards with patients who have surgery on their bones. The more common cases are hip and knee replacements in elderly patients. For Orthopaedics, therapy usually entails a set of protocol and standard procedures. Treatment also requires knowledge about the type of surgery carried out so that it may not endanger the patient. Today was one of her freer days because one of her patients was unwell and unable to do therapy. So, she explained hip replacement to me and showed me some patient X-rays. Introduced some websites: www.orthopaedics.org

OTs do patient education as well, teaching them the ways to care for themselves after surgery. For example, those with hip replacements should maintain >90degree angle at hip joint, not turn their feet inward for they may cause the new joint to pop out of the socket (yucks). In fact, the latter is the technique surgeons use to dislocate the joint >.<
The OT community is small but most enjoy and are very passionate about their job. They believe strongly in OT philosophy:
1) Every patient is unique with different strengths and weaknesses. Therapy for each patient would differ slightly, tapping on their strengths and working on the weaknesses to finally help the patient become more independent.
2) Patient-centred therapy. OTs are there to facilitate the patients’ recovery and not to do things for them. They gradually reduce assistance to patients and help to empower patients.
OT targets 3 key areas: self-care, productivity (or work), and leisure. They believe that human beings need to be occupied with activities in the 3 areas for a sense of well-being.
OT is not as widely accepted in Singapore compared to western countries mainly because of the culture. In Singapore, elderly usually have the mentality that they have worked hard and should enjoy life, instead of being put through therapy (which could be quite painful, and requires discipline to do exercises recommended by the OT). Also, elderly here tend to be less independent compared to their counterparts – children should support parents, there are domestic helpers, the government takes good care of citizens. In other countries, children move out at 18, people live far apart. People may desire therapy more because independence means a lot to them.

Day 3

AM: Met 3 NYP Year1 students, and went for infection control training with them and Christina. I failed the mask fit test 3 times! If I was one of the staff, the infection control team would contact me for an appointment. Seems like I would have been in danger if an air-borne disease was going around.
NYP students said that Year 1 Sem 1 would be quite manageable with days from 0900-1500. In Sem 2, they would be going on placements every Wednesday so their days would be from 0900-1800. They also have many projects.

PM: Followed Lindy around. She works neurology wards. I had the opportunity of observing a particularly interesting therapy session, but cannot disclose too many details due to patient confidentiality. Lindy had to take a tough approach and be very firm with him.

Side thought: nurses are really noble. They have to bathe patients, change their diapers and many more unpleasant things.

Day 4

Spent whole day in preparation for OT day:
• Connected paper cranes to slips of paper educating people about OT. Once, I took too much thread and it ended up becoming a tangled mess.
 Greed entangles.
• Helped in the untangling of strings of cranes made by the OT Dept during SARS. They were used to decorate the crane making booth.
 Cultivated patience

Day 5

Christina told us about OT in other countries – they do advocacy work. For example, OTs advocate for safe playing areas for children, places without hazards such as broken glass etc. Play is a large part of children’s life and can constitute their productivity and leisure.

We helped out at the crane folding booth, where we taught people how to fold cranes – with one hand! After a while, we also realised that another volunteer was from PL primary -_-“

We stole pamphlets and I bought $3 slippers to wear because my feet hurt from walking in court shoes.

Day 6

AM: Admin

PM: Followed Fabia. I became an OT Assistant! One of her patients who had a fracture was about to be discharged. However, most who had orthopaedic surgeries are not allowed to weight-bear one the affected side. Thus, Fabia taught her how to use the wheelchair; I accompanied the lady around (and made sure she did not knock into walls and things like that).

Day 7

AM: Admin

PM: Followed Fabia. She did caregivers’ training and assessment, and recommended equipment to make the home safe, especially the toilet. OTs have clearer overall picture of patients including psychological and social factors (due to their training) and thus also give lifestyle recommendations so as to maximise the wellbeing and quality of life of the patients after discharge.

Day 8

AM: Admin

PM: Admin.
After 5pm, I observed Christina conducting discharge planning. OTs need to have good spatial skills because they must be able to visualise the patients’ homes and sketch room plans to facilitate recommendation of equipment. As with all other healthcare professionals, they also need to know the healthcare system very well – the charges, payment methods (Medisave?), post-discharge options (step-down care such as Ang Mo Kio Community hospital or St Luke’s? Day care?) – so as to maximise the patients’ welfare. Honestly, I felt very lost when they spoke about these different schemes. I guess the key benefit of studying OT in Singapore is that one will be more familiar with the system.
This discharge planning was mainly done in Malay too! Being able to understand most what was going on really gave me a sense of accomplishment, and I really thank God for the opportunity to study Malay, and not giving up along the way. My dad played a very big part, guiding me in this rather unorthodox decision (in 2001 before the Government started promoting Malay as a 3rd language), and encouraging me to persevere till I completed what I began. I think I should also start watching more Malay language shows to keep in touch with the language!

Day 9

I pushed the big heavy splinting trolley from the gym to the ward! Then, I observed and helped Fabia in making a splint for a patient who just had an amputation. The splint helps to keep the knee joint straight to prevent contraction of the knee, and help to ensure that the prosthesis would fit properly. There are several splint plastics available, each has varying degrees of memory (ie, they will return to original shape on heating). Following the completion of the splint, I helped Fabia in several mobilisation exercises for the patient to maintain flexibility.

Day 10

AM: Admin. Observed therapy by Leila in ADL room as well. OTs specialising in neurology employ the use of a machine that emits electric pulses down the muscle (somewhat similar to the OTO Electric Reflexologist =P). This stimulates the patient’s muscle and helps them regain the use of it.

PM: Observed Yetta who works in the neurology ward. She also used the “electro thing” for her patient. Stroke patients may be quite depressed because they are suddenly unable to do things as well or easily as before.  In this respect, OTs can help to encourage the patient, reassure them that they can and will get better as long as they put in effort. We also went into a ‘Contact Precaution’ room where we had to put on a full body suit and gloves! Finally, Yetta conducted a session in the gym using the fine motor equipment but the main aim was to help the patient remember to look to the left (left eye vision affected) and maintain a balanced sitting position.

30 Jan: YAY I finally finished my reflections! Its quite obvious that the later entries become shorter and less detailed though XP

2007-12-01T10:15:00.000+08:00

Haha. Here's another song (again). Mr Loh's brother sang this at the 2nd day's memorial service. Parts of the chorus kept ringing in my head yesterday, so i decided to search for it (got distracted when clearing my hotmail inbox =P). It's a really touching and meaningful song. May your spirit be edified and uplifted =)
[Hah. now at least have some words already ok? =P]

“There Is a Higher Throne”
Words and Music by Keith & Kristyn Getty
Copyright © 2003 Thankyou Music

There is a higher throne
Than all this world has known,
Where faithful ones from ev'ry tongue
Will one day come.
Before the Son we'll stand,
Made faultless through the Lamb;
Believing hearts find promised grace—
Salvation comes.

REFRAIN
Hear heaven's voices sing;
Their thund'rous anthem rings
Through em'rald courts and sapphire skies.
Their praises rise.
All glory, wisdom, pow'r,
Strength, thanks, and honor are
To God our King, who reigns on high
Forevermore.

And there we'll find our home,
Our life before the throne;
We'll honor Him in perfect song
Where we belong.
He'll wipe each tear-stained eye
As thirst and hunger die.
The Lamb becomes our Shepherd King;
We'll reign with Him.

2007-11-27T18:45:00.000+08:00

Worthy Is The Lamb
Thank you for the cross Lord
Thank you for the price You paid
Bearing all my sin and shame
In love You came
And gave amazing grace

Thank You for this love Lord
Thank You for the nail pierced hands
Washed me in Your cleansing flow
Now all I know
Your forgiveness and embrace

Chorus:
Worthy is the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Crown You now with many crowns
You reign victorious

High and lifted up
Jesus Son of God
The Darling of Heaven crucified
Worthy is the Lamb

2007-11-20T18:25:00.000+08:00

With All I Am - Hillsongs

Into Your hand
I commit again
With all I am
For You Lord

You hold my world
In the palm of Your hand
And I'm Yours forever

CHORUS
Jesus I believe in You
Jesus I belong to You
You're the reason that I live
The reason that I sing
With all I am

I'll walk with You
Wherever You go
Through tears and joy
I'll trust in You

And I will live
In all of Your ways and
Your promises forever

2007-10-16T22:48:00.000+08:00

WHITES are motivated by PEACE. They seek independence and require kindness. They resist confrontation at all costs. To them, feeling good is more important than being good. They are typically quiet by nature, process things very deeply and objectively with great clarity. Of all the colors, WHITES are the best listeners. They respect people who are direct but recoil from perceived hostility or verbal battle.

WHITES need their "alone time" and refuse to be controlled by others. WHITES want to do things their own way and in their own time. They ask little of others and resent others demanding much of them. WHITES are much stronger than people think, but are not often seen for their strength because they don't easily reveal their feelings. WHITES are even-tempered, diplomatic, and the voice of reason; but can also be indecisive, unexpressive, and silently stubborn. When others interact with you, as a WHITE you respond to them best if they are kind, accepting and supporting of your individuality, and if they look for non-verbal clues to understand your feelings.

Understand that no two WHITES are exactly alike. Although you share the same core motivation as many others, your personality is still unique to you alone.
http://www.thecolorcode.com

Cool. Really sounds like me ;)

2007-10-13T22:55:00.000+08:00

At The Cross - Hillsongs
Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me

2007-08-24T19:11:00.001+08:00

thought of more little known facts about myself these days so i'll just add on =P

8. i put all my pens in one direction in my pencil case (except for double-sided ones.

9. i drink distilled water at home and i used to boil my test tubes in a pot of distilled water to clean them

10. i don't like to touch rubber bands

this tag thing makes me seem so self-absorbed. almost everythin starts with "i" haha

2007-08-19T16:34:00.000+08:00

-_-" tagged by li sha

Rules of the game: Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end, you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks.

heh. some are quite embarrassing.

1. i like the smell of certain lifts/elevators, particularly that of some older hdb blocks and corporate buildings

2. i was a competitive swimmer in primary school

3. i learnt ballet from kindergarten to P5

4. i asked questions in class in primary school, but stopped in secondary school, and restarted in jc

5. i was very competitive in secondary school. i would be often be afraid that i wouldn't do well for tests. (well is read as: >85% for bio tests, >76% for chem >80% for physics, >78% for geog. ps: they refer to marks, not percentiles.)
but this completely changed when i came to nj, and when i knew God better.

6. i give things at home weird names sometimes. eg. my bolster-sophia(long story); aircon-airy =P

7. i come from a family of pl-lites. other pl-lites: sis, mum, mum's younger sis, mum's cousins (collectively called aunts but this makes it a bit more specific ;) haha)

aiya. i'll stop here. enough little known facts about me already =P
not going to tag people. can't think of people to tag that have not been tagged yet, and don't think they will do this anyway =P

2007-08-05T20:18:00.000+08:00

Majesty (Here I Am)
Delirious?

Here I am humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

2007-07-30T21:35:00.000+08:00

Do the teachers think we have 100 hours in a day or sth? the worksheets keep coming like a never-ending stream, probably only to intensify. [dM/dt= +ive] there's so much work i don't know where to start!

just a thought. i don't quite like the way percentiles are used as a gauge of one's progress.. somehow it makes it seem that one necessarily has to step over others to consider that oneself has improved, or one progresses at the retrogress of others :/
is how society works? sigh. sadly, it seems to be so.

2007-07-24T01:06:00.000+08:00

i shouldn't be online at this time. whoops. but anyway, i had a short bout of worry just now after telling my dad about my results. my horribly sucky results. this is the first time i've failed in a major jc examination and it's not just 1, but 3 subjects. he asked if i had a study/revision plan.
time is running out. i was wondering how i was going to continue doing piece after piece of work with minimal breaks in between for another 98+22 more days :/

but thank God, ET's such a wonderful sister in Christ. her sms reminded me that God has wonderful plans for me; He has engraved me in the palms of His hands. during QT just now, the song that has been replaying in my mind since sunday morning came back to me. it's titled "through it all". how apt it is.

Through It All
You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You

And I wait on You

I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

2007-07-09T22:08:00.000+08:00

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Amen =)

wow. God has been working mightily. i thank God for the opportunity to be in a position to support and encourage 2 new members of God's family on their new journey =D

2007-07-01T16:36:00.000+08:00

it has been a super long time since i last blogged. i feel that i've lost the blogging touch. =P

i guess i'll start by talking about some of the events that has happened so far..

i helped out at my church's children camp -- Hupernikomen! More Than Conquerors -- from 12-14 june. many of the children who came were from the childcare that my church operates. it really warmed my heart to see the little children worshipping and singing to God with all their hearts. many of the children may not even know what they were singing but their innocence and child-like faith really touched me. no wonder Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." --Mt 19:14 (NIV)
yes, the children can be mischievous and out of control at times. but the joy when you see a smile on a child's face and the knowledge that you have helped to spread God's love to the little ones can make you deny yourself and go on. i hope, i have faith, i know that God will let the seeds we have sown in their lives grow and blossom one day, and they will serve the Lord mightily in their generation. amen!

after that was preparation for CTs. initially my mind was extremely distracted and i did not feel like studying at all. i decided that it cannot go on, so i wrote down all the distractions that tug at my mind. then i prayed about each distraction specifically. thereafter i tore the postcard up and threw it away. i guess the symbolism was significant. i committed the distractions to God and prayed that He would help me get rid of it for it wasn't the right time or season to think about them. the physical action kinda reinforced what God did for me in the spiritual realm.

then before we know it, CTs have come and passed. i found the papers generally manageable and i thank God for being the Peace that guarded my heart, the Strength that kept me going, the Comforter that reassured me during the exams when i was sick. i just thank God that He has helped me reach a deeper level on my relationship with Him, helped me pray and focus on Him for longer periods, and helped me learn the truths in His Word. although i still fall and let Him down, i know i can be caught in God's amazing grace, unfailing love, and the forgiveness through the shed blood of His Son. for we know that we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. amen!

God is good indeed :D

2007-06-01T22:07:00.000+08:00

What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? - Matthew 16:26 (NIV)

Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? - Mark 8:37 (NIV)

2007-03-31T18:49:00.000+08:00

YES CIP is driving me nuts

i'm going nuts too.

i've been listening to different versions of vivaldi four seasons spring 1st movement over and over again the whole day

i havent touched my homework.

2007-03-26T23:16:00.000+08:00

guitar frenzy.

practice practice practice.

the more i practise the more addicted to practise i get.

p.s.: i want to be a more cultured person who appreciates the arts ^_^

2007-03-25T19:39:00.000+08:00

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. -Rom 12:2 (NIV)

is the world too pragmatic or am i too idealistic?

2007-02-19T19:53:00.000+08:00

----- portion typed on 19feb -----
=PP wahahah. after much bugging, i decide to finally blog.

let's see. what shall i write about?

okay. my dearest apologies to all the faithful visitors of my blog =P 2007 (and the days leading to it) has really been busy. A very brief update of some of the significant changes in my life since 011206:
- i attended SYFC's Bible Trail 2006 from 6-8 Dec. it was named: "Just Say It!" Say what? the wonderful gospel of Christ =D
- i left for outward bound korea on the 12th of december, only returning on the 22nd. photos and a "commentary" of the whole experience can be found here: http://people-in-transit.blogspot.com/2006/12/blue-peter.html
- my favourite SE K700i handphone got spoilt on the trip =P so my dad bought another hp for me (sony ericsson of course! =P)
- 29 dec 06: i attended PLMGS Prayer Walk at the renovated Lorong Ah Soo compounds ^_^ it was amazing to be back! i really miss those days where we get to worship God so freely...
- i chionged my holiday homework. i managed to finish my econs essay in slightly over an hour on 1st jan '07 (11+pm to 12+am; essentially 2jan 07. haha.) praise the Lord!
- 5 jan 07: i went for my first ever cell group! i felt and still feel very young. the oldest is 27, 2nd youngest is 20 =P

----- portion typed on 10mar -----

gah... so many things how to type one by one? -_-" here are the more major things that happened since 5 jan:

- i joined the childrens' ministry in my church. the children are simply so adorable. you can really see the innocence, simplicity, and the child-like faith with which they approach their Father in Heaven. it's really a breath of fresh air ^_^
one drawback though is that i have to miss every alternate service :/ not very good for the spirit but i shall persevere, continue to feed on the Living Water =D
- i'm co-leader of a small group. i'm assisting my aunt in basic christian living bible study for two P6 girls =) we had one session together so far.
- common tests just ended. on the whole, i felt that physics was the worst subject; the better ones were bio and chem.
- my sis decided to drop Art and take POA instead -_-"
- 8mar: i watched music and lyrics with rebecca. thereafter, i rushed back for FOCUS
- 9mar: road RUN! ahaha i ran =P whoosh. it felt good. 22min 52sec. not very fast but better than walking all the way [what i did last yr =P] later went for IRAS e-filing training. made friends with a HC girl who's from guitar as well! ^_^
- 10mar: went back to nj for bio trial SPA debrief. talk about a 5-day week. but i pity the band members. they come back to school like every saturday or something =x
later went for NUS open house with EAT ;)
- finished reading the book "Rekindled Flame" written by Steve Fry, that i borrowed from toa payoh library. it's a very good book! i wanna buy it~! sadly, it's not very easily found in singapore :/

yeaps. my holidays are totally packed. so i don't expect another update soon =P

take care! may the grace and peace of the Lord be with you =D

2006-12-01T17:05:00.000+08:00

100th entry!!!

YAY!!! i am now a certified first-aider!!! ^_^ (passed with flying colours too =P)
so, its very safe to be with me when you're out. ahaha!
yay yay yay. so cool ^_^
i saw dr chen (the gynae i interviewed) but didnt dare to interupt the discussion he was having with some other senior-looking people. so i didnt say hi. oh well

anyway, OAC is a friendly bunch =)

2006-11-29T18:15:00.000+08:00

i resumed reading of the book that LS gave me in dec last year entitled "heaven is so real!"
(whoops. sorry LS!)
Heaven is a wonderful place / filled with glory and grace / i want to see my Saviour's face / Heaven is a wonderful place
whee. i'm suddenly reminded of this song that we sang in GB =) it is a place incomparable to anything on earth. MUCH MUCH BETTER ^_^

and i came back from the first day of first aid course. lol.
everyone else was from OAC except me and i thought YS was going -_-"
thankfully i saw HH while i was in the car. a familiar face ;)yay. PL rocks.

and i was looking at PL's website. i really took things for granted, like morning assembly and weekly chapel sessions and REW. and i had the urge to go back to help PL in some way next time. ahah. we'll see.

2006-11-28T22:36:00.000+08:00

WHEE!!!

1) i interviewed the EXECUTIVE CHEF of RITZ CARLTON for YES CIP! and i got to drink expensive $10+++ iced peach tea from ritz carlton. hehs. my cousin's friend kindly treated us =P

2) my parents came back from china with my korea clothes! ^_^ so nice

2006-11-27T17:38:00.000+08:00

without God, i don't even exist.

with God, i live.

2006-11-25T22:02:00.000+08:00

okay i've finished reading "My Sister's Keeper".
i must say that the ending was really ironic and slightly disturbing. i was really shocked. i shan't spoil the ending for those who haven't read the book XP

but what really struck me was people's need for love. they desperately needed love; they needed hope. they needed God.

everyone needs the Lord. the God who loves us so much that He sent His only son Jesus Christ to die for us, so that we may have a relationship with God. God who IS love.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 4:19

=)

without God, i am nothing.

2006-11-23T22:44:00.000+08:00

hah.

seems like i've neglected this blog for long enough =P

okay.

i don't know what to blog about.

there's guitar, 3 times a week. 9am-12nn (that's excluding exco meeting). and there's gonna be an uber long one tmr frm 9am-5pm (at least)
my fingers on the left hand are numb and thickened from constant practice but as of now, i can play four seasons reasonably decently =D

erm. my sister's kinda getting out of hand. sigh. shan't elaborate.

oh.. my parents are in china (again) so my maternal grandma is living with us.

something's wrong with me.

2006-11-11T12:29:00.000+08:00

This was meant to be posted on the 9th of November 2006 but Blogger was facing some problem:

-----start of 091106 entry-----

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28

Okay. It's official. My OP is postponed to monday.

i'm feeling quite indifferent about it but i have faith that this would really work for the good of everyone =D

i still have to go for audience duty and hand in my gpf tomorrow though.

yeay! but my "celebratory" plans for the rest of the day are still on!

i went swimming 2 days ago. 24 laps ^_^ and came back aching all over but i'm feeling good! my neck muscle is still a little stiff from the backstroke i though. haha!
i went to run 3 days ago but stopped after 1km+ as i felt like puking =x
came home did some research, found out that it was because i drank too much water before running and there was this condition called hyponatremia or low sodium concentration in the blood. hmms. so people, to prevent yourself from puking or the pukish feeling during a run, be sure to take some salt solution before you start! ;)

-----end of 091106 entry-----
----- start of 111106 entry-----

YAY!!! i'm free from OP.

yesterday was a hectic day but to cut the long story short, we presented yesterday and skipped one audience duty ;)

i had a fun time after that ^_^

and i can finally eat my dark chocolates and read my books.

homework is on my waiting list... for now =P

wahahah! i'll do it during the week when my parents are overseas and they don't allow sis and i to leave the house for non-official reasons -_-"

2006-11-05T21:54:00.000+08:00

oh yes. parachute band was great!

i had a really good time with EAT today ^_^

and i left my umbrella behind even though i made a mental note to take it when i left macs. seems like i havent learnt my lesson >.<
(i went to retrieve it after 5 minutes)

urgh.

2006-11-05T21:51:00.000+08:00

seems like i accidentally deleted my random entry. so here it is again, a slightly modified version.

scientists use "pseudo-"
economists use "quasi-"

2006-11-05T21:48:00.000+08:00

okay, after putting up with goong-mania for a few weeks, i decided to officially announce my stand, and risk obvious uproar from avid fans of that which i mentioned.

i am absolutely against goong or any other drama serial

and i believe my stand is justified.

i was 'captivated' by "wang zi bian qing wa" last year. i was so addicted that i would even get moody, throw tantrums whenever anyone disturbed me. it was absolutely horrible. very often, i would only realise the damage i have done long after i did whatever undesirable act.

hence, i told myself to stay clear of drama serials after wang zi bian qing wa ended.
i guess it kinda morphed into a near excessive irrational dislike for drama serials, but i don't really care =P

okay, i give credit to drama serials for ocassionally showing, teaching or helping viewers understand the best or the worse of human nature, human tendencies and hopefully even help you to become 'more mature' in your future interactions etc etc.

but, not being enslaved is amazing! it frees up so much time to pursue other more enriching interests. you're free from the mental and emotional anguish of having to miss one or two episodes, free from exhausting emotional energy over a fictitious happening.

not being enslaved. yes. who wants to be enslaved? or rather, it is the question of to what, to whom we're enslaved to?

besides the material, physical realm we are living in now, there is a spiritual realm around us. and in this realm, there are only two sides. It's either God, or the evil one. There is no neutral party. Whose side are you on? Whose side do you want to be on?

You make the choice. This very important choice.

I am a servant of the Most High God.

2006-11-03T12:54:00.000+08:00

90th Entry!!!

Yeay! YAY! I'm free! FREE!!! (from chinese, for now)
Thank God the paper was mangeable ^_^
I went into hyper mode just now when i reached home and made my mum go -_-"

ahaha. =x but the fact that i'm back home blogging so early means something else. i've got no life, or so it seems. i was trying to look for someone to go out for lunch with but everyone (those who take H1 Chinese) just had other things on. and i didn't have time to think about arranging with the non-chinese-ers before =P. So here i am online, sourcing for dates -_-"
any takers? lol.

oh yes. i'm currently in the philosphical/literary - humanities mood. ahaha! i've already compiled a whole reading list =P call me a nerd, whatever =P (P.S. you haven't seen the worse. my sister, a VERY unlikely reader, is visiting the library every other day, borrowing books all belonging to the same genre -_-" guess what? not saying. what do fourteen-year-olds like to read? go figure.)

So here's my list:
+ The Screwtape Letters
+ Drawing Near
+ Heaven is so REAL!
+ Mere Christianity
+/- Leadership by the Book
+/- The Secret of Ararat
- Brave New World
- Lord of the Flies
- My Sister's Keeper
- 1984
- Lost World
- To Kill a Mockingbird
- Midsummer Night's Dream
- Sophie's World
- Sociology
* Basic Theory of Driving: The Official Handbook

^_^ i'm so excited! This is so cool. This is the first time i've ever wanted to read so many books out of pure interest during the holidays. Previously, i merely wasted my days away on the computer -_-"

Why the sudden interest in Literature and the like? Honestly, i don't really know. my hypothesis:
-> JC science and math repels me, unlike O Level science, therefore attracted to social sciences and the humanities
-> i don't have to take a Literature exam anymore. remove the stress, enjoyment factor increases. Literature for the sake of interest and enjoyment, not for grades.

and i'm planning to take driving lessons right after A Levels so i've already bought the Basic Theory Handbook, with my dad's encouragement ;)
Haha. to the guys out there: too bad! =P
haha. better get head start ;) so cool! i get to drive (with an instructor of course) once i pass the basic theory test!! whee! That's 1 year 1 month away ^_^

2006-10-30T22:40:00.000+08:00

busy busy busy.
many deadlines and things coming up.
rush rush rush.
don't like.

2006-10-29T20:12:00.001+08:00

It's official: my wallet is stolen.

it hasn't returned to me after 6 days, means whoever has it has no intention of returning it anymore.

my poor IC is not even one year old yet.

i've cancelled my ez-link card and its officially terminated by now.

i'm going down to ICA this tuesday to apply for a new IC. hehs. hopefully, my parents allow me to put "Christianity" under the Religion section instead of having a "-" there.

and as for this friday's H1 A Level Chinese Exam, i guess i wont have an IC... Have to bring something else.

talking about chinese, i think i better start getting more serious. Quote from a movie i watched recently:
"How much time do we have left? Not much." - School of Life

Hehs. still got time to watch movie you say? yea. i gotta get tough on myself.

how?

hiatus?

2006-10-29T20:12:00.000+08:00

2006-10-24T09:54:00.000+08:00

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
- Romans 8:28

2006-10-23T19:40:00.000+08:00

i lost a blue plastic bag containing my wallet and many valuable things (IC, ez link card, PAssion card, new photocopying card etc etc)

surprisingly i'm not overly agitated or worried or anxious though i try to be

my mind tells me to get anxious and worried
but my heart doesnt obey.

it's back to the same old d(peace)/d(indifference) question. what is it exactly? i have no idea.

just numb. strange?

2006-10-20T21:17:00.000+08:00

all glory and credit goes to God.

i'm really thankful for my promo grades, some i feel were a little undeserved.

yes, i agree its easy to say "thank God! Praise the Lord!" when things are good, everything just falls right into place.

i hope i won't be fair-weathered when the times of trials or unfairness or difficulties come. i really do.

Jesus, help me.

2006-10-19T20:50:00.000+08:00

this is slightly creepy again...

today when i went home after physics, i was typing an email to someone who was feeling quite down recently. i felt strongly that it was what God wanted me to do, to comfort this person who confided in me recently. so, i started typing once i reached home, until around 5.20pm. after the email was sent, i rushed out of the house because i had to attend the OBK Pre-trip briefing at 6pm.

along the way, i prayed that the bus 13 would come so that i would reach PA HQ on time. guess what? bus 13 arrived when i reached the bus stop. WHOA right? but this is not the main thing.

initially, i thought to myself that i should trust God to bring me there safely and on time.

then, along the way i found myself feeling lost after passing by Bendeemer. i started panicking because it was already 5.53pm. i called my mum and she said, "bendeemer ah? wah. that's a long journey to kallang hor." =x 7 minutes left.. how could i afford to remain on the bus for this "long journey"? so, with my mum's encouragement, i alighted the bus to take a cab.

it took me quite some time to flag a cab down. while waiting for one, i saw another bus 13 passing by. i distinctly remember that it was green. soon after, i managed to get a cab.
you know what??? it turns out that bendeemer was in fact already very close to kallang. and, when the taxi passed by kallang mrt, i saw that green bus 13!!! at first, i refused to believe that it was the 2nd bus 13 i saw. instead, i wanted to believe that it was the bus i was on but after reasoning it out, i came to admit the fact that it was the 2nd bus 13 -_-"

anyway, i was still on the cab, and the traffic was heavy. heh. -_-" it would have been faster if i walked. so, it turns out that i arrived 5 min late. and guess how much the taxi fare was?
$5.40!!! (there was an additional $2 for peak hrs or something)

in short, if i had stayed on the bus 13 instead,
1) i would have arrived at PA on time
2) i would have saved the exorbitant taxi fare of $5.40

i felt super guilty on the cab la. especially after seeing the bus 13 when i was in the cab. heh. God answered my prayer, given me the bus i prayed for and had been faithful all the while... and at this very "critical moment" where my trust in Him was tested, i chose to believe and heed my mum's words instead of relying on God's provision!!

i was feeling so totally bad during the presentation/briefing for quite some time. heh.
but then, i remembered "there is no condemnation in Christ". if He forgives our sins, how can we not forgive ourself?

so from then on i felt peaceful, but still slightly shocked/jolted by the incident. (this is not the first time such an incident has happened) and i realised that the price i paid each time increases.

heh. God has a plan and will make things work out for the better for those who love Him. why cant we just trust in His amazing ways, ways sometimes way beyond comprehension of the human mind?

2006-10-18T22:35:00.000+08:00

i was inflicted with intermittent headache attacks since PW ended yesterday till today. thus, i was absent from college.

gracias mi amiga
thanks jasmine
thanks jack
thanks angela

... for calling/sms-ing me while you were in school today (in order of call/sms received)
3 people called me in the morning also. i faintly remember hearing "XiaoQi" as the 1st caller and my mum said she couldn't remember the other 2. whoever the 2 other callers are, thank you =)

i deduced that they were computer-use-induced headaches since they come back whenever i use the computer (rushing PW ad =x)

bad thing is, i think i'm coming down with a cold now =x
... must be my sister >.<

2006-10-18T19:19:00.000+08:00

the results i've gotten back so far - bio mcq & chem mcq - are way beyond my expectations.

all i can say is Praise the Lord!!! Really, this could not have been done without the strength God has given me, the people He has placed around me, the wisdom and peace that the Lord has granted me.

There is none like You
There is none like You
No one else can touch my heart like You do
I could search for all eternity long
And find
There is none like You

Your mercy flows like a river wide
And healing comes in Your Name
Helpless children are safe in Your arms
And there is none like you

2006-10-17T21:53:00.000+08:00

What is wrong with me?

I've been on a "fault-finding spree" recently, which i'm ashamed about.

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. - Matthew 7:1-5 (NIV, emphasis mine)

2006-10-15T23:35:00.000+08:00

I have great news =D

Math results upped two grades, obtained 80% for math va!!!

Thank you mi amiga for telling me mr tsang's hp number so can know in advance ^_^ haha.

There is one person whom i have to thank immensely. He is none other than kor.
Thank you for sending me your whole math va to can1 kao3. Thank you for sacrificing your time to teach me even though you have other things consuming your time. Thank you for being ever so patient with me. i really appreciate it ^_^
Most of all, i thank God for putting kor in my life. Would all these have been possible without God?

2006-10-15T15:12:00.000+08:00

Memories will always be caught, entangled within a complex web of emotions.
The web is unbreakable. Is it a good thing?

PL's 90th Founder's Day Anniversary was amazing!

Founder's Day Service
Graduands got the chance to wear the navy blue graduation gown and cap with a yellow tassel. So COOL. PL's the only secondary school i've known that does such a thing =P
What made the service really enjoyable was being back in Christian environment i've grown up in the 10 formative years of my life. It was warm and welcoming, where people just exclaim "Praise the Lord!", openly, on stage, over the PA system etc. People can sing praises unto God anywhere and everywhere without fearing "getting caught/scolded/reprimanded". There was praise and worship every morning during assembly, every Wednesday during Chapel sessions, every GB meeting. It's just so awesome... I remember not understanding why the past valedictorians/head prefects never failed to mention that they missed Chapel sessions and singspiration the most when they left PL. That was totally how i felt once i left the "sheltering walls" of PL, catapulted into this strange place (which also happened to contain creatures i rarely had any contact with for the past 10 years) called NJC.
The ironic thing is that i've learnt much much more about our amazing God in these 10 months out of PL than in the 10 years in PL. 10 months>10 years -_-"
Sometimes, we humans only appreciate things more when they're taken away from us huh?
I can't help but feel that i "wasted", did not make full use of these 10 years of Chapel sessions, singing for the sake of singing, falling asleep when the message was shared, even complaining. I am ashamed by my behaviour and attitude in the past.
Thankfully, all that is the past. I just thank God for His graciousness and patience with me, His renewal and transformation of my mind, becoming a new creation in Christ.

PL 90th Anniversary Thanksgiving & Reunion Dinner
I didn't want to wear the same top i wore for Cambridge Dinner so i bought a top that was less formal, right after i left NJC Open Day.
I sat at table 39- the "4A1 table". Sadly, only 6 4A1ers attended. Some came with their parents; my mum attended the dinner as well but sat with her classmates at another table ;)
Again, they started with Praise and Worship =D the song "Jesus Shall Take the Highest Honour" is really meaningful.

Jesus shall take the highest honour
Jesus shall take the highest praise
Let all earth join heaven in exalting
The name which is above all other names

Let's bow the knee in humble adoration
For at his name, every knee shall bow
Let every tongue confess,
He is Christ God's only son,
Sovereign Lord, we give you glory now

For all honour and blessing and power
Belongs to you, belongs to you
All honour and blessing and power
belongs to you, belongs to you
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the living God.

Halfway during the dinner, some teachers performed the song "Circle of Friends", which is really meaningful as well. Here are the lyrics of the song, dedicated to all my friends out there.

We were made to love and be loved
But the price this world demands will cost you far too much
I spent so many years just trying to fit in
Now I've found a place in this circle of friends

In a circle of friends we have one father
In a circle of friends we share this prayer
That every orphaned soul will know
And all will enter in
To the shelter of this circle of friends

If you weep, I will weep with you
If you sing for joy the rest of us will lift our voices too
But no matter what you feel inside theres no need to pretend
Thats the way it is in this circle of friends

In a circle of friends
We have one father
In a circle of friends we share this prayer
That we'll gather together no matter how the highway bends
I will not lose this circle of friends
Among the nations, tribes and tongues we have sisters and brothers
And when we meet in heaven we will recognize each other
With joy so deep and love so sweet
Oh we'll celebrate these friends
And a life that never ends

In a circle of friends we have one Father
In a circle of friends we share this prayer
That will not be long before
All will enter in
To the shelter of this circle of friends

There was also a part where the lights were dimmed and everyone passed on the flame (creating a sea of lighted candles), while singing the song "Go Light Your World"-school theme song when we were in Sec 1. I managed to capture a few shots of the beautiful scene ^_^

All the thoughts and emotions are just swirling about in my mind. I just can't seem to get them all down. So i guess that's it for now ;)

2006-10-13T21:29:00.000+08:00

[j-reflections: septober 2006]

Part III
290906:

Math paper. it was quite dumb because i forgot how to do simple integration and differentiation steps, and binomial expansion!! so, the paper didnt go too well. when time was up, i reasoned that i should be feeling disappointed with my performance. i was trying to force myself to be sad because i reasoned that it was the rightful emotional response to the event.
then i was wondering... how do u d(peace)/d(indifference)? or is it easier to d(indifference)/d(peace)? strange thing is, i nearly tried it out. HAH. then i decided it was dumb and dumped the thought
i wanted to be "normal" and feel disappointed but after several hrs of futile attempts, i gave up at trying to be disappointed. what really bothered me was my behaviour.
i do not do what i want to do.

300906:

Agree with me that everyone has a different skill set, a unique combination of weaknesses and strengths. none is identical, and none can ever be better than others in every aspect. there will be flaws because humans are imperfect creatures. creatures with hearts that have evil, sinful tendencies. everyone is strong and weak in different areas. i guess this "forces" people to learn to support and help those lacking in the area we are strong in. the common saying, "no man is an island" had renewed meaning to me. to me, it's God's plan for interaction and fellowship between humans.
sometimes, i feel that i just do not fully understand what i'm being told time and time again unless i experience and understand the personal application of such wisdom. heh.
less serious stuff: i arrived at BCC 5 minutes late and there were no cubicles left. there were 2 open tables for 4, which were occupied by one person each(both guys). i went to the nearest one, asking if i could share the table. who knew, after a while, that guy's girlfriend came?! it was totally embarrasing and i didnt know what to do. i didnt want to go home because i wouldnt be able to concentrate. so, i just stayed put. thick-skin a bit, continued sitting there but i rushed to an empty cubicle when someone left =P i reckon i played gooseberry for 5hrs? haha

2006-10-08T23:50:00.000+08:00

Miracles

God works so many miracles and I’ve been really blessed to experience so many such miracles in the short time I’ve known my Lord Jesus Christ. I’m going to share a few today.

1. Once, kor asked me if I knew who the 2 people who did not experience physical death in the Old Testament were. He said one could be found in the Book of Genesis, the other in the Book of Kings. I knew the one in Genesis-Enoch. He was taken away by the Lord because he was walking so closely with God. The other one, I didn’t know. So one day, after I did my Quiet Time (basically time set aside for God, to read God’s Word and to pray), I jokingly asked God who the 2^nd person was and to reveal the answer to me when I flipped the Bible. In my mind I was actually prepared to flip the Bible like around more than 5 times because I didn’t think it would be so easy to spot. Then, the first time I flipped, the page opened at the Book of Samuel. It wasn’t in Samuel so I just flipped the Bible one more time (I admit I don’t know the Bible very well so I didn’t know if Kings came before or after Samuel). Guess what? The page opened at 2 Kings. And continue guessing. Okay I think you know it already. There, on that very page, I saw the words “Elijah Taken Up to Heaven”. WHOA!!! Honestly, I was VERY shocked. Stunned. At a loss for words. I didn’t expect the answer to come so easily. To cut the long story short, I calculated the probability of arriving at that page. There is 1 Kings and 2 Kings (two books). In total, there are 48 pages in Kings. Do the Math, and you get 1/48, or slightly higher than 2% chance of getting that particular page. And this figure has not taken into account the other Books in Old Testament. There are 714 pages in Old Testament. If you factor that in, the probability would be like 0.00_% or even less! WHOA. Praise the Lord =D

2. Just today, Sunday 8 October 2006, I missed 156 by approximately 30seconds. I was stoning at the bus stop because I was tired from trying to catch the bus from the other side of the overhead bridge. Around 10 minutes later, I said a short prayer. I told God I didn’t want to be late for service after not being able to go for 2 weeks (and admitted it's my fault for not leaving few minutes earlier). Guess what? 156 arrived when I said ‘Amen’. WHOA. Since when did the waiting time for 156 drop to 10 minutes huh? Ahaha. So i managed to arrive at church on time. Praise the Lord =D

3. This one I think it can be considered as a miracle also. The PSI on Saturday night reached 150 right? And it dropped to like 27 on Sunday morning. WHOA. News just reported that there happens to be a strong wind blowing it away and that the haze could come back again tomorrow. Hmms. Seems like Divine Intervention to me! Ahaha. God give clear skies so that people travel to and from church without being exposed to too much haze ; )

I haven't finished [j-reflections: septober 2006] yet okay? ahaha. i just felt the need to share the miracles; and i'm getting lazy to type the random thoughts out. but i'll still do that la =P

2006-10-07T23:27:00.000+08:00

[j-reflections: septober2006]

Part II

220906

Gahh. GP paper was bad. I had writer’s block for both the essay and the comprehension. Can you imagine? Writer’s block even for compre questions. And I’m not even talking about AQ. Failure to complete paper goes without saying. I felt that I did my best at that point in time and in the preparation for the paper though.

I don’t like it when people say “everything is alright”. It just reminds me about Kingshaw in “I am the King of the Castle” (elective lit book). Kingshaw keeps telling himself “everything is alright” and committed suicide in the end -_-“

230906

:’( :’( :’(

Both my parents strongly dissuaded me from going to church to study for promos. I pleaded with them a few times. Sigh. I was looking forward to going to church the whole week, especially after mental torment and questioning studies, to just be in God’s presence, worshipping and singing praises unto Him with other believers. Not that one cannot worship and praise God at home but it’s what I always looked forward towards, week after week after week of school. I always worked towards the weekend and what made the weekend particularly enjoyable was the chance to gather with God’s people in church and to worship together with them =)

250906:

I heard someone saying the word “cook” in Bishan CC (BCC) study room. Then, I suddenly thought: isn’t it amazing how humans have the ability to flavour our food, make it tasty etc. unlike animals. They have to accept what they get. Same/similar food everyday leh! I’m even bored of eating the same food from the hawker centres near my home (which I’ve been staying in for 17 years)… animals have to eat same food for the rest of their lives? We have MUCH to be thankful for.

For some reason, I suddenly recalled my O Level Malay (Special Programme) paper. Ahaha. There were only around 4 people taking exams in the whole big school hall. Ahaha. The rest were taking Mother Tongue B or something. Ah. The O Level days, so distant, yet so near. Distant because its over. Distant because of where I stand academically now. Yet, so near because I have is the IKEA box filled with O level stuff in the corner of my living room. Near because the person sitting next to me at BCC is studying for it.

260906:

kan4 de2 kai1 already. I no longer felt stupid for studying even though no one pushed me to do so. Perhaps it’s just the way I’m created. Argh. I don’t want to go into the whole nature/nurture thing [GP/philo]. Either way, or rather a combination of both, I am the way I am now. I shouldn’t do something that I would not feel comfortable doing, such as not studying or something.

Also, there was a middle-aged lady sitting beside me at BCC. She was studying O Level subjects. I inferred that she was a private candidate. Then I looked at myself. Janice! This lady beside you probably had no chance to take O Levels before, and here you are, blessed with the opportunity to so A Level studies in NJC and yet you are complaining?!? Since I am here already, I might as well make the best out of this experience. Does complaining and being frustrated help at all? NO. It’ll only make yourself more miserable, and even affect those around you. [It’s really sad that we often do not know how fortunate we are until we open our eyes to those around us.] Everything is in God’s hands. God has a wonderful plan and purpose for us, wherever and whoever we are. Doing your best wherever God has allowed you to be pleases Him =) I don’t know why I couldn’t see it this way few days ago, even though that’s what people say. Sometimes, you have to experience things for yourself before you accept the theory. (Heh. Of course it doesn’t apply to everything.) So after that, I was full of joy. Even math didn’t seem that tough, and I did math the whole day. Really, I finally understood the joy and pleasure of studying for God and doing my best because he placed me there. I could imagine God was looking down at me from heaven, pleased that I was doing my best ^_^

Question 20, Pg 300 of H2 Mathematics TB has this question: Anna’s brother suggests that she marks our a circular plot rather than a rectangular plot to give her an even bigger are. Anna is confused and decided to consult you (j-comments: HAHA!). What advice would you give Anna? I thought: rectangle. Don’t be greedy. It’s easier to manage a rectangular plot instead of a circle one =P haha

2006-10-06T23:15:00.000+08:00

After trying to type my entry directly into blogger MANY MANY times, I gave up and decided to type it into Microsoft Word first. Something’s wrong with my internet connection =x

Argh. This feels so unnatural. After not blogging for lets see… 15 days? I think I kind of lost the “feeling” of writing, even though I have lots to blog about. I kept a little log of the random thoughts/reflections I had each day during the Promos and the time before that. Whee. After much thought, I decided to upload these entries by parts, naming the entries—[j-reflections: septober2006] =P call it lame, whatever. Ahaha. I can’t think of anything else yet. Open to suggestions =) I also had the initial thought of categorising the entries according to Faith/Random interesting events/general opinions and thoughts about the world but decided against it because it’s very hard to separate them. They’re all part of me, interwoven, virtually inseparable.

[j-reflections: septober2006]
Part I

090906-100906:

My family went to Corpthorne Waterfront Hotel for 1 day to celebrate my parents’ ROM Anniversary and anniversary. Ahaha. Weird thing is, my sis and I stayed overnight while my parents went home =P

We watched the movie “I am Sam” on HBO and I cried non-stop. This is the first time a MOVIE has ever made me cry at least 80% of the time. Ahaha. Watch it if you have the chance =)

170906:

I forgot to take my wallet when I left the house for church!!! Ahh!!! And I only realised it when I arrived at the bus stop opposite J8 -_-“ I was debating whether or not to go home to get it and decided against the idea. No way I’m going to miss what I waited one whole week for =) So, I said a short prayer and plucked up my courage to ask someone at the bus stop for 50 cents. I looked around the bus stop for people who looked kind. Ahaha. I realised that the lady sitting next to me was reading something written by a pastor. Hmms. Sweet. So I asked, and she gave =) I managed to get to church on time =)

[Approx] 180906

The sky was brighter earlier than usual. I remembered O Level Geog, and came to a hypothesis that that day was the autumn equinox—the day where the sun is directly above the equator, ie., suns rays hit the equator directly (this is not usually the case because of the tilt of the earth about its axis). I was unsure so I decided to check with JL (Pure Geog as well) about the days where the sun is in the sky the longest for equatorial regions. -_-“ his reaction was “explosive” I must say. He insisted that the longest days were the summer and winter solstice. He sounded so convicted that I doubted my hypothesis. Still, I didn’t accept it. Haha. I went home that day and decided to do a search about it. Haha. Wikipedia says I’m right =P

200906:

Wahaha. My birthday =) I can’t believe I didn’t blog on my birthday.

biG bIG BIG GRACIAS to la amiga. She baked shortcakes for me!!! She spent the whole night baking even though promos were just around the corner. So touched. It was super yummy too. And she was the only one who called to wish me happy birthday =)

Big thanks to Jack, Jasmine and Zhuang Mao who bought me the book Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis =)

Thanks to those who

SMS-ed me in order of receipt of SMS: Jun Li, Ming Xuan [on behalf of PA], Shu Huey, Zhuang Mao, Sarah, Li Si, Charis, Cihui, Tan Chun

MSN/E-mail: Sweedy, Komathi

And other people who wish me happy birthday =)

There was also GP make-up lesson. Mr Leong was being super secretive about the GP Tutor’s code thing.initially, he wanted to giver every group different codes. It made me so excited. It was if there’s some gigantic conspiracy among the teachers. LOL. He said other teachers knew his code for the pass few years. We asked, “Did your students die?” Mr Leong, “No… They’re already dead.” =P Lol. So he instructed us not to let anyone else know the code.

I don’t know if this epinephrine surge caused the O Level Biology “long term effect of adrenaline on the body: tired muscles”. That lesson caused me to start worrying about GP quite a bit, and the soreness throughout my body lasted the whole day. For no apparent rhyme or reason, the muscle soreness had to “attack” on my birthday. Sometimes, my fingers even felt numb =x But, knowing that I was powerless in doing anything about the soreness, I prayed. Thankfully, the soreness disappeared at around 10pm+ =)

[Approx] 210906:

I kept wondering and thinking about the purpose of studying. Even though I know that as a Christian student, my motivation for studying should be for the glory of God. Somehow, no matter how hard I tried to see it in this light, I couldn’t convince myself. As in, how can chasing after material things—in this case, paper qualifications, bring glory to God huh? At least that was how it seemed to me at that point. I was extremely frustrated. Moreover, I didn’t know why I studied hard for. Why I stayed in NJC even though my mum said it doesn’t matter (even encouraged) if I went to a JC that was less competitive, more relaxed. I felt dumb, as if studying was totally meaningless. Later on, you’ll read about the development of this issue. I disturbed several people with this question =P

I nearly freaked out about GP exams. Sent SOS SMSes to those not taking the same exam as me the next day. Eunice and Liang Yi called me to pray with me over the phone =)

2006-09-19T22:30:00.000+08:00

i went to eat dinner with my dad at this quiet and cosy cafe in King's Arcade. i'm so full that i'm unable to sit/stand straight. too bad my sister ate KFC before my dad called her. haha. so it was just dad and i.

honestly, it has been a long long time since we communicated. even though he drives me to school everyday, things we talked about seem quite superficial. a typical conversation on a typical morning can be this (not specific chronological order, some events may overlap):

me as i enter the car: hello
dad smiles, radio plays
dad drives
radio continues playing
both of us laugh at something said on the radio
dad answers his phone call, turns off radio
i push the keys on my phone, check the time occasionally
silence
dad turns on radio again
dad: okay
me: byebye
dad: bye

hehs.

today, i was once again reminded of how i looked up to my dad. heh. seems like the workload and stuff that happened made me forget abt all these =( he's a really wise and intelligent man. inspiring too.

shall say more next time.

2006-09-18T00:17:00.000+08:00

I reached breaking point and broke down just now.

Imagine this: Me laughing and crying at the same time. Laughing at my stubbornness and stupidity, while crying because of the "pain" and "suffering" from being entangled in the vines of integration, choking me, sucking the life and vigour out of me, mocking me. Struggling to break free, on my own. However, the more I try, the worse it seems to get. The vines tighten their grip, choking and suffocating me.
It was totally horrible. Mixed feelings of anger, pain, hurt, regret, and accusations.

It was a totally unpleasant sight. Even I did not dare to look at myself in the mirror. I didn't want to see the mess I showed to my loved ones. How selfish.

Anyway, in tears, I went to the bathroom to shower. Those horrible horrendous feelings were still pulling me apart. I prayed for God to keep my sanity. I was like crying n crying out to God to take all the pain and hurt and anger away. I was trying to force/psyche myself into "changing" my attitude. It didn't seem to help... because I seemed to be clinging onto those feelings, doing things my own way again.
Then what EAT sms-ed to me came to mind... God says, "Child, I can't take it away if you don't let go."
Initially, there was some inertia. Still holding on to those feelings because I felt that I deserved to feel that way. After going through all those, don't I have the right to feel angry, disappointed, hurt?

Songs came to my mind...

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in, Lord
still I will say
Blessed be Your name

so I decided that I should just focus on the blessings God has given to me.
I started a stream of praise and thanksgiving in my heart unto the Lord. The stream turned into a river. As I praised and thanked Him, those negative emotions seemed to fade. Like how darkness slips away in the light, the light of God's majesty and the greatness of the things He has done in my life. God knows I tried, I really did.
Soon enough, all I felt was peace. Complete, total peace that I didn't think was even possible earlier on. Peace that no one would have imagined me having after seeing me break down.

It was exactly what Phil 4:6-7 described.

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (NIV, emphasis mine)

So so so true.

God is so awesome. so awesome that what i put down here in words cannot fully describe.
Amen.

2006-09-17T01:47:00.000+08:00

i wanted to blog for a few days but i resisted. many things to talk about. list out those i will blog after promos.

- hotel stay
- movie: i am sam
- OBK

GRR..

I woke up at 0645 today, intending to get lots of revision done. Well, i got stuck at practically every math question and practically WASTED MY WHOLE DAY AWAY.
^ That's the super condensed version.

BUT.
for some miraculous reason, i'm not feeling tired even now. awake from 0645 until now, 0145 the next day.
All i can do is to thank God and trust in Him.
Circumstances seem nearly bleak and hopeless. Yet, perserverance builds up our faith.
Push forward.

>.< i better get going.

To all:
All the best for your exams!!

2006-09-11T18:33:00.000+08:00

''Emptiness is because you aren't actually living. It’s the absence of God's love in your life. I know it's difficult, but sometimes you just have to take that step of faith. How would you know unless you first experience it? If you never ate tao huey in your life, you'll never know how good it tastes. If you never played in your life, you'll never know how fun it is. If you never experience God in your life, you'll never know the extent of his love, so amazing, so awesome, unconditional, unchanging, this love that will carry you through the most difficult times, this love that will make everything else seem insignificant, because all that matters is God. Many people try to fill that hole in their lives. Some turn to material things, some turn to friends, some get into relationships. at the end of the day, there is still that part which is missing in their lives, because nothing, nothing can ever take that place, nothing, except God. i admit it's a big step of faith. A big jump, probably. but it's really the most important step too. A kid will never learn how to walk if he never dares to stand and take that first step. He falls, but he picks himself up, and walks again. His parents are there, encouraging him. God isn’t looking on blindly as you struggle. but he isn’t there to force you to walk either. he is there like your parent, watching you as you take your first step, catching you when you fall, picking you up again, encouraging you, until you grow, strong, each day your step becoming firmer, more confident. Just trust in him and take that first step of faith. You’ll find out that what comes after that is so beautiful, a journey that you've never imagined, a walk with God that goes beyond your wildest dreams.

Have you ever wondered what
This life holds for you
All the troubles that run through your mind
There's a feeling that somehow
No matter what we do
We are left alone crying in the dark

There is much we can believe in
If only we will trust in him

Yet to all who received him
Who believed in his name
He gave the right to be the children of God
I will stand on this promise
I will trust in his name
I know for sure that Jesus will be with me everyday

We are children
We are children of God''

--- Tuesday, September 05, 2006 entry (slightly edited)

iamburpy.blogspot.com

2006-09-08T19:52:00.000+08:00

AHHHH!!!

i got cheated by door-to-door ice cream sellers =x

mans.

it's okay. i'm okay. if they want to deceive and cheat, that's their problem. i thought they were pitiful. but turns out that... nevermind. revenge is not for me to take.
who knows? they may desperately need the money for some genuine reason.

forgive. forgive. forgive.

2006-09-08T19:25:00.000+08:00

Since i'm slacking now, i decided i should write my to-do list for the period after promos, lest i forget all my nice plans.

School-based:
NJ Open Day Prep (Guitar)
Project Work
Read chinese books

Enrichment/Fun:
Spanish [i can speak spanish 468.2]
Read "Left Behind" Series (call number LAH) borrowed from Bishan Community Library
Do library CIP at BCL? =)
Borrow more books =P
Watch "Martin Luther" 284.1 and other movies
Exploring sociology, psychology, philosophy
Fictional shares

Faith:
Buy and read "Drawing Near" by John Bevere
Read EAT's book(s) haha

more to come.. can't think of anymore now

2006-09-06T23:39:00.000+08:00

more on how Bishan rocks:

the show "Bukit Anak Kambing" season 2 was filmed in Bishan. not bukit anak kambing -_-"
i could recognise the park near my block, the distinctive Bishan landscape etc.
Bishan is so nice now. that must be why they chose it. haha =P

i love Bishan.

2006-09-05T23:37:00.000+08:00

You want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside
You want to have virtue and purify your mind

You want to be set free today
Then lay it all down before the King

-- Extract from the song "My Desire" by Jeremy Camp

2006-09-05T18:51:00.000+08:00

on the topic of answered prayers:
Mr Goh shared that all four of his wisdom teeth grew at the same time initially. Then he prayed.
And well, three stopped growing! In the end, only one grew.
Whee.

Many many many more examples of answered prayer =)
too many to list (these are only the daily ones)
Want to know more can look in the Bible =)

i sucessfully stayed away from the computer the whole of yesterday.

22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. - Galatians 5:22-23

i'm trying to give the fruit of the Spirit a chance to "express". "transcribed" already. in the process of "translation" =P bomb bio

2006-09-03T16:17:00.000+08:00

i have a testimony to share!

yesterday night, before i slept, my throat felt itchy, like i was about to get a cough/cold whatever.
i just gargled with some salt solution before sleeping. and i prayed. When i woke up today, it didn't seem to improve. i continued praying. The itchy sensation persisted even when i arrived at church. i think it was healed somewhere during the service. all i know was that when service ended, my throat felt normal again. whee =)
Thank God. Praise the Lord =)

and i cut my hair.

2006-09-03T00:33:00.000+08:00

argh. i can't read the chinese words and the spanish words i wrote on both mozilla and internet explorer.
la amiga i left the spanish on msn offline messages for you.
and the chinese words were supposed to be wang4 en1 fu4 yi4.

2006-09-02T23:24:00.000+08:00

la amiga, this is what i tagged but seems like your tagboard doesnt support weird characters:
yo contento tú sabe tú MALO =P
yo prestado el libro acerca de pronunciación española en la biblioteca Bishan hoy =)

and i'll need some time to think about your philo question about abortion and euthanasia ;)

Bishan community library opened today!! *chants: i love Bishan! i love Bishan!*
you have oractically everything at your doorstep -- J8, ntuc, CC, mrt, bus interchange, numerous food centres, shops, swimming pool, stadium, and LIBRARY!!! woots. whee.
so nice. 4 floors filled with new books.
i dunno how long i spent at the 200-Religion section. more than half the aisle was filled with Christian books. (some seem like Christian books but actually may not be written by Christian authors. must be careful)
wahaha.
i borrowed this really nice book titled "Daughters of the King". It helps you discover more about your personal God-given style, and it seems pretty accurate. It also tells you more about the other females mentioned in the Bible that have similar styles as yourself. Girls only! =P too bad.
i also borrowed another book. it teaches you common Spanish phrases and their proper pronunciations =) i wanted to borrow more but decided against it. promos first!! after that, i can delve into the Spanish language and other stuff for all i want.

yeay. on the topic of books, WW introduced this book titled "Drawing Near" by John Bevere. sounds nice, but i haven't got the time and money to go purchase it yet. i'll read it after promos.
heh. after promos again =x

OBK
mum suddenly seems quite against me going for OBK. however, my dad still encourages me to go. i'm in a dilemma. what should i do? sigh. i don't even know if its too late to back out now. i said i won't back out, but after what she said, i'm having second thoughts.
argh.
oh yea. yesterday, i went to celebrate my sister's birthday at Swensens. after eating ice cream and leaving the place, i started feeling super cold. had to lean on my dad for warmth. haha.
sigh. how to survive in Korea like that? its going to be -20 degrees.
i wonder how it is possible to even take a bath. i keep day dreaming about how the water droplets would just freeze on your skin, how to answer nature's call.. must expose skin to -20 degree temperature and ahem... that part isn't exactly very erm... insensitive/unimportant? erms. =x
i feel sorry for which ever unlucky female gets a visit from "her friend" during the trip. heh. and i keep thinking, what if i'm one of those unlucky ones?
the prospect of getting hypothermia and frostbite isn't very exciting either. argh.

how? :'(

Teachers' Day
i didn't go back to PL, but i did visit Ms Lau, who is now teaching "pure blue creatures" instead of "white and navy blue creatures" [just quoting her]
the weirdest thing i ever heard her say was, "flirt more with boys". What?! haha. the serious-minded, petite, A Math teacher was telling us to flirt? LOL. i totally couldn't believe it, and thought my sense of hearing was failing or something.
and i had a fun time explaining to the ex-blue creatures why i was at their school. hah.
i feel bad for not visiting PL. like i was some kind of 忘恩负义 person, not going back to thank the people who helped me achieve my O level results, and the school which provided me with so many opportunities. gahh.
some of us went to LS's house. she was going to JB for a mission trip during the holidays =) a great woman of God who brought me back to Christ.
JL was quite disappointed because she went there to play with the babies, but the babies were taking their afternoon naps when we finished lunch. so cannot play. hah.

that's all for now =)

2006-09-01T23:44:00.000+08:00

Indescribable- Chris Tomlin
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colours of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You Know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You Know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God

Incomparable, Unchangeable,
You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same.
You are amazing God

i love this song the moment i heard it and looked at its lyrics. it totally captures the essence of how great God is, beyond what words can describe. simply indescribable.
how awesome it is that God is in control =)
and you know what? you can get to download it at http://www.gslcpraiseteam.com/
heh. i dunno if its illegal though =x

2006-08-31T16:53:00.000+08:00

sorry i think i need to edit the 2-liner.

Only God can make our lives complete,
Only He can provide all our needs.

Whee =)

2006-08-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

philo-ing with XQ:

the first question we talked about is: what is life?
XQ: not very sure yet. for now, i think it is about filling up your heart. i'll tell you when i find an answer =)
part of my answer is:
life is a journey, a test and life is a gift from God. my reason for living is to do everything i can for God, because of what He has done for me and for everyone of us. the very least i can do is to live my life for Him and to love Him.

Everyone has sinned and because of this, have been separated from God. we humans were created for fellowship with God , and this was broken because of sin.
Because of God's great love, Jesus Christ came to earth as a man.
He lived a sinless life and was sacrificed on the cross.
He was tortured, beaten and died.
BUT, Christ conquered death-- He was resurrected, and left the sealed tomb after 3 days. Several days later, Christ ascended bodily to heaven.
God promises everlasting life to whoever believes in His Son =)

second question: do you think money is the root of all evil?
XQ: i dont think it is the root cause either. i think the root cause is human's greedy and selfish nature.
me: nope. "For the love of money is at the root of all kinds of evil."-1 Tim 6:10!
wahaha. the Bible tells us flat in the face that it is 'the love of'. how relevant God's Word is in today's world! and it was relevant yesterday, is relevant today and will continue to be relevant in the future =)
why do humans even love money? what is money associated with? power. yeap. the love of money is only one aspect of the greater greed in the world. ever since Adam and Eve, there has been a struggle for power. This desire/craving for power caused the first humans to partake of the fruit from the tree which God clearly instructed against eating.
Even today, greed and this meaningless struggle for power still goes on. why? because humans want more. it's not that wanting more per se is bad because it is also how we can improve.
However, we must question ourselves about our motivations for wanting more. is it just for "power" (or anything else)? if so, i dare say that this person will never ever be satisfied. paradoxically, as one progresses in this quest for more "power"(or anything else), one may become increasingly disatisfied, increasingly finding something missing.
"People who live only for self-gratification, no matter how lofty their achievements, will always long for more. " ODB March14 2003
"The eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing. "—Ecclesiastes 1:8
True satisfaction comes when we live for God; with God only are we satisfied =)

2006-08-28T21:39:00.000+08:00

i'm so happy i'm so glad i'm just overflowing with joy.

God is greater than GREAT!

Here's a 2-liner i came up with:
Only God can make my life complete,
Only He can provide all my needs.

whee. isn't it nice? =) i shall continue when i get more inspiration.

there's no school tomorrow. i'm going to bishancc to study ...whoops i meant finish tutorials; re-live the o level days at bcc. HAH. (let me indulge a bit la) oh yea. anyone reading this can feel free to come ;) wahaha.

today's a nice day.
the session at piano was great, had a nice long conversation with SL on the bus today after guitar and its ZM's birthday!

spanish is nice, i seem to be able to pick it up rather quickly. but i must rememeber not to get carried away. TUTORIALS!!

more serious stuff:
what on earth are they showing on TV these days!? i just find the variety shows on channel X really distasteful. and they air such shows on prime time TV! yucks. by watching them we can learn few things, and they give singaporeans a bad image. i shan't elaborate. go watch it yourself. and drama serials as well, especially local productions. heh. and they call this "entertainment". RIGHTT.

i signed up for Outward Bound Korea. actually i signed up last week. don't kill me la amiga =P
i know some may say: who would want to pay to suffer??
haha. oh well. i signed up for it and i won't back out of my commitment. i almost withdrew but my dad persuaded and strongly encouraged me to go. so there.
anyway, i originally signed up for Outward Bound Japan. too bad they didn't have the programme this year, so have to re-sign up, and for Korea.
Japan seemed easier you see and there is bed and toilet and cultural exchange =P
and i just realised just now that ZM is going as well! wahaha. i had a slight hunch but didnt think too much about it. who knew? wahaha. yeay. at least now i know someone else going =D

2006-08-22T21:40:00.000+08:00

God is amazing!

2006-08-21T17:23:00.000+08:00

when troubles come, what do you do?
even though the song One Way goes like this...

In troubled times its You i seek
i put You first thats all i need
...

i find that sometimes, even though i try, it seems so hard. why??

i need to stop being so immature.
i need to learn to praise God in all circumstances.
i need to stop letting my emotions block out everything else.

sorry if i let my bad mood affect anyone these days. sorry.

2006-08-19T01:08:00.000+08:00

Something jose shared with me...

use patience not tolerence.
LOVE
FAITH
HOPE
SINCERITY
HUMILITY
ENCOURAGEMENT

2006-08-18T23:44:00.000+08:00

i had Oral Presentation workshop yesterday. supposed to be with EAT but she had her H3 stuff so had to change date. Thankfully, JS(originally supposed to go another class) went to the same class i went. (wahaha. shh. by one of my sneaky subtle power of suggestion) and JS went in "legally" with Ms Tan's approval =P

i chose the topic "Focus on the important things in life". i shall put part of my speech here. some parts are not what i said exactly in my speech.

What would you do if you had only 3 days left on earth? [comments!] Cliched as the question sounds, it forces us to think about our priorities-- what is more important to us. Is it family? friends? religion/faith? God?
...
Humans have been around for more than 6000 years; the average lifespan of a human living in a developed society is 70 years. My point? Our short time here on earth can be likened to a grain of sand in the desert. A stanza from the song Who Am I? by Casting Crowns sums it up really nicely:
i am a flower quickly fading
here today and gone tomorrow
a wave tossed in the ocean
a vapour in the wind
...
(speech ends after talking more about finding focus in life)

My purpose is not to belittle anyone. nah uh. What i want to say is: no matter how small, how insignificant we may feel at times, there is Someone out there who cares about and knows everything you think, you do. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.[Matt 10:30]
Do you want to get to know this Someone? Do you want a relationship with God?
=)

2006-08-16T22:19:00.000+08:00

something amazing happened today. while doing PA duty, i received an sms from miss ong, saying that i've been shortlisted for sapphire scholars programme. i was quite shocked because i didn't even go for the interviews AND i had sucky CT results.

XQ advised me to sms her to check if there was a mistake. well, her reply? "you wanted to apply for medicine scholarship right? we shortlisted those directly".

whoa. and the thought seemed so so far away. i was totally confused and if you read my previous entry, you would know why. do i still want to try to apply for medicine? what made me change my mind? the superficial ones i thought of were biomed and my sucky CT results. deeper down, i dont really know the exact cause. am i just easily discouraged? am i afraid of aiming too high and not meeting it? am i afraid of admitting the fact that i need to work hard, much harder than i ever did? am i just wanting the easy way out? am i?

i'm afraid i am. but then again, could i just be underestimating myself?
then again, shortlisted =/= selected right?

ok enough of that. why did God give me this opportunity and countless others? perhaps He has a plan for me, a plan far greater than what i can imagine. He must have a reason behind everything He puts in my life..

okay, heh. i shall attempt to practice what i preach.
He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it.

Shepherd of my soul i give you full control
wherever You may lead i will follow
i have made the choice to listen to Your voice
wherever You may lead i will go
be it in a quiet pasture
or by a quiet stream
the Shepherd of my soul is by my side
should i face a mighty mountain
or a valley dark and deep
the Shepherd of my soul will be my guide

tsk. i just feel so unworthy of all these.
i'm frustrated because i feel that i've let Him down again and again, reverting to my old ways

Lord, teach me and help me learn

2006-08-15T23:20:00.000+08:00

i made a new friend-- a sister in Christ! =D
i stumbled upon her blog while searching for the lyrics of "How Could I Live", which i posted in the previous entry. she's a really nice, God-loving young lady. do visit her blog! and she told me about Dr Samuel Doctorian's prophesy. interesting.

i'm supposed to pretend that i never sat for Chem SPA today. However, i do remember that i felt quite sad after 1230hrs 150806. i have no idea why. what happened before that? there seems to be a void after chinese ended at 1050hrs. i just cant seem to remember. hmms. *wink* Thank God skills B and C are assessed independantly of each other. <- where did that thought come from?? what is wrong with me these days?!
i procrastinate
i spend lots of time online and i don't know how
i dont finish my homework
because i stare at the questions and stone
medicine doesn't seem to interest me no more
sociology and other social sciences seem to intrigue me more
i spent 1 hr+ poring over books in the library's "religion sociology philosophy" section

i'm sick of "failures". i want victories. victories for You Lord. For You.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
- 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV, emphasis mine)

He shall say: "Hear, O Israel, today you are going into battle against your enemies. Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them. For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory."
- Deuteronomy 30:3-4 (NIV, emphasis mine)

I do not trust in my bow,
my sword does not bring me victory;
but you give us victory over our enemies,
you put our adversaries to shame.
In God we make our boast all day long,
and we will praise your name forever.
Selah
- Psalm 44:6-8 (NIV, emphasis mine)

XQ and i commented during physics today about wanting more choices for contrasting subjects.
psychology sociology philosophy (KI without literature component according to her). so cool right? if only... hmm. should we make a recommendation to MOE?

you know what? the idea of drawing up new education policies in MOE seems increasingly attractive. isn't it so? doing studies and giving my two cents' worth (that would be worth more) on how to make the education scene more vibrant and enjoyable for students. wahaha. improving on current policies. cool. if only i know how to get there.

i feel that my english is not up to standard. "idiomatic expressions" don't come as easily to me as before (last year perhaps). i have a bad feeling that what teachers say is true-- reading newspapers can improve your english! heh. FYI: i haven't been reading the papers as regularly as before. look at the result.

something quite freaky happened. XQ and i both bought the same brand (silkpro) shampoo on saturday evening and used it on sunday, without us telling each other about it until monday. she said something like "you are still you and i'm still me right? correct body right?" LOL. honestly speaking, i was stunned and doubted for a second. ahaha.

i gotta snap outta this crappy mood/feeling/whatever you call it.
sobs

2006-08-13T23:25:00.000+08:00

5OTH ENTRY!!!

God is working mightily!

We sang this song during service today. It really touched my heart.

How could I live without You
How could I survive
Without Your love
Without Your touch
You're the One that heals me
And cleanses my heart
And sets me free

Now i come right before You
With my hands lifted up
With my heart humbly bowed
At Your work on the cross
As You hang there and died
You were paying the price
For my life, For my life

For Your love is higher than the heavens
Deeper than the seas
And all I want is You in my life
No one else can satisfy my soul
Can make me feel this way
Only You Lord, only You

Amen.

Friends, Christ died and paid the price for our sins. Why would anyone want to reject someone like that? Friends, wouldn't you just take the step of faith?
Come and experience what God has in store for you!

2006-08-13T16:03:00.000+08:00

Something i read in "2 Tell U e Truth" SYFC Camp File:

"The problem with fear is not fear itself but the fact that we allow it to immobilize us. Being afraid is no sin. Shirking back fearfully from obedience is sin... You can trust God... (and) move ahead in obedience because you understand fear and know how to deal with it."
-- Wayne McDill, Making Friends for Christ, p.103

2006-08-12T22:43:00.000+08:00

Something VERY IMPORTANT
i almost forgot. This morning, ZM and i were MSN-ing about the End Of The World.

Just a thought: What will happen if the world ends tomorrow? What if Christ returns tomorrow? What if it happens in 10 minutes? (Leave your comments please!)
Haha.

Honestly, i'm feeling a wee bit scared. Not for myself because of the assurance of everlasting life i have from God's Word,

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
-- John 3:16 (KJV)

More so, i'm feeling slightly scared for my many loved ones. i don't wanna think about what would happen to them =x
But it is a fact. It is real.

However, all is not lost yet. By God's grace, the assurance of salvation is open to all.

- In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Genesis 1:1
- So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27
- However, "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" Romans 3:23
- Sin: generally defined as rebellion against God. (a thorough explanation of sin will take quite some time)
- Because God is holy, sin is incompatible with His kingdom.
- For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23
- "death" does not refer to physical death but spiritual death.
- If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire. Revelations 20:15
- God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
- Jesus was a perfect man -- without sin. And He was God
- Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6
- But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
- Jesus died and was raised from the dead 3 days later. "He is not here; he has risen, just as he said." Matthew 28:6a

Friends, it is not enough to know the above.
- We have to believe
Confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9
- We have to confess
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
- We have to repent
Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, Acts 3:19
- We have to follow Christ

Feel free to approach me if you would like to know more (or if you have made that important decision!) =)
Friends, my wish for you is to be able to experience this wonderful love, love beyond all the words in the world can describe =)

2006-08-12T19:39:00.000+08:00

i met LS today!!! =) We went to eat pepper lunch at hougang mall. We originally intended to meet at 1pm. Then i came up with the idea of meeting earlier at 12.45pm because i she has a meeting in church at 2pm+.
-_-" in the end, i reached hougang MRT at 1.07pm. Heh. Even later than the original plan.

Anyway, that's not the important part. On the bus, i was reflecting and thinking about my behaviour. I spent A LOT of time online (sometimes i appear offline =P) reading/discussing christian websites and stuff. AND i've been neglecting/spending time on what's more important -- reading God's Word and talking to Him.

Suddenly, the story of Martha and Mary came to my mind. (it was tucked at the back of my mind. i think it was in Sec3 when they talked about it in GB)

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." -- Luke 10:38-41 (NIV, emphasis mine)

=x i feel like Martha. i've been doing things that seem important (eg. apologetics/discussion of theology/reading christian websites)

It's not that they are unimportant (questions or doubts should be cleared) ; just that spending time with God is more important.

Dear Lord, thank you so much for showing this to me. Lord, help me and remind me to be more like Mary. i want to do what is more important in Your eyes!
Amen.

2006-08-11T20:56:00.000+08:00

Here's a nice website
http://www.greatcom.org/laws/english/flash/

2006-08-11T20:53:00.000+08:00

new link added.
josephine's blog. haha. so coincidental. we have the same skin! =)

2006-08-09T21:54:00.000+08:00

joy is different from happiness.
thus, i have edited the previous post slightly.

there is a God-shaped hole in everyone's heart.
is yours filled yet?

2006-08-07T21:54:00.000+08:00

Now that tomorrow is National Day celebration, and there are no lessons, i can afford some time to blog about the issues at my mind.

1)
i think that one's ~~joy~~/happiness/gladness should not come from other's unfortunate or undesirable circumstances. Something quite unfair is happening and i don't know what i should do.. is it right to laugh at someone who is being bullied or treated unfairly? well if one has a conscience, one should know the answer. just put oneself in that person's shoes. would you like to be laughed at by everyone?
that's also why i STRONGLY DISLIKE "reality/candid" shows such as "just for laughs" or "america's funniest home videos". they play the "laughter" sound when someone falls down from a ladder or is on a vehicle that is out of control? What is this?! Laughing at someone's misfortune?
argh. its really really sad. i just don't think its right to derive satisfaction or ~~joy~~ from others' misfortune. i just think that satisfaction should not be relative.

2) things have been QUITE overwhelming recently, as evident from previous posts =P sometimes, it really seems like 24 hours a day isn't ever enough to complete everything are supposed to do and i'm sure many of you agree with that =P
i was blog-hopping a few days ago and read something from ZM's cell blog that struck a cord with me. God promised that He will not be with us all the time. He lives in us! When faced with troubles, trials or difficulties, do we face them with our own strength or the strength that comes from God? If your answer is "i don't know", then you are most probably doing it with your own strength. when i read it, shivers went down my spine. hehs. i knew i was trying to struggle with my own strength.

3) that day XQ mentioned about mormonism in utah. then i thought about jehovah's witnesses as well.
... these groups have "Jesus Christ" in their teachings and are commonly mistaken to be "Christian" as well. It's sad as because of this, many don't get to know what God can really offer... However, it's a constant reminder to Christians that we should "always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have" =)

14But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." 15But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.
-- 1 Peter 3:14-16

4) Festival Of Praise
it was super. wahaha. i cant remember all the exact details so i'll just refer you to EAT's blog. EAT: hope you don't mind =P
http://to-eternity.blogspot.com/

2006-08-06T22:58:00.000+08:00

i have lots of stuff to blog about, but there seems to be not enough time to do that.

here is what's most important.

God is so amazing, its beyond description. i just stand in awe of His Mighty Love for us. His love, so unconditional so unfailing does not discriminate.
Why would God love someone so unworthy, so unfaithful like myself? The very fact that He does, and that He loves everyone demonstrates his great love for us.
i was so touched that tears kept flowing down my cheeks uncontrollably during Holy Communion and later during altar call.
He's just so so so so so GOOD.

2006-08-05T12:31:00.000+08:00

1. Do the following WITHOUT complains

2. Choose 5 people to do this after you completed yours

3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say he/she have been tagged.

4. Start your post with "I have been tagged!" then do this.

i have been tagged by XiaoQi. i find i quite meaningless but i'll just do it anyway, even though i have tonnes of homework and more pressing issues =P

Currents:

Current Mood: slightly frustrated

Current Taste: what taste?

Current Clothes: home clothes

Current Toenail Colour: natural.

Curent Time: 12.28 AM

Current Surroundings: study room

Current Annoyances: nothing much. mmm. this tag thingy perhaps? =P

Current Thoughts: the song "Blessed be Your name" ... every blessing you pour out Lord, i'll turn to praise.. When the darkness closes in Lord, still i will say.. blessed be Your name =)

First:

First Best Friends: haha i'm not sure if the friends in primary school can be considered as "best friends". haha. sadly, didnt keep in contact with many of them. Bestest bestest friend? Jesus =)

First Crush: haha no one will know =P

First Movie: first one at cinema should be lion king I? haha

First Lie: couldnt remember

First Music: i suppose its my parent's voice?

Lasts:
Last Cigarette: NEVER in my entire life.

Last Drink: water =P i dont drink alcohol. still underaged

Last Car Ride: friday morning to school

Last Crush: no one will ever know =P

Last Movie: nanny mcphee? haha.

Last Phone Call: last night. my mum thought i was lost cos i was still out at 11 plus =P wahaha. Festival of Praise was super! so nice to see so many Christians filling up the whole indoor stadium. whee! read abt it in my nxt entry =)

Last CD played: some oldies CD. to listen to the tune of Yesterday Once More so tt i can play the piece better.

Last song played: played on guitar? yesterday once more melody. heard? God of Wonders

Have you ever:
Have you ever dated one of your best friend: never dated? haha.

Have you ever broken the law: yea. not the constitution type of law though. i hope

Have you ever been arrested: no

Have you ever skinny-dipped: what is that??

Have you ever been on TV: yea. like 1 second

Have you ever kissed someone you dont know: NO

5 things you are wearing: clothes. not enough to reach 5.

4 things you did today: washed up. listen n sing christian songs. chat. read mail.

1 thing you do when you are bored: think about God's greatness =)

ok done. phew. should i tag others? i dont want too many others to go through the "agony" =P
jasmine. junli. ruth. xinhui. cherelle. =P

2006-07-28T22:28:00.000+08:00

WARNING: This is the start of a nutty entry.

BIOMEDICAL QUIZ PREPARATON is on at maximum capacity. To all who have been encouraging me, i just want to say a huge gigantic "THANK YOU"!

I spent a lovely ELEVEN HOURS in school today preparing for it. That's right. 0735-1845 hrs in school today doing practically nothing but mugging biomed stuff.

Haha. i hope i didnt scare anyone too badly with my smses =P

KREBS CYCLE! ACETYL CoA. OXALOACETATE. CITRATE. ISOCITRATE. ALPHA-KETOGLUTARATE. SUCCINYL CoA. SUCCINATE. FUMARATE. MALATE.

How lovely.

Oh yes. HAS ANYONE SEEN MY BRAIN/MIND? Please tell me if you have. i'm desperately looking for it. i can't find it!!! Where is it???

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

What am i to do?
What am i to do?
What am i to do?

The mountain of school work is growing at an alarming rate. Most pressing: EoM, AQ "test", math intgration I tutorial, bio tutorial, chem tutorial (new one. though i have not completed my old one).
I KNOW THERE ARE MORE. i just can't recall them now.

IS THERE A BLACK HOLE FOR ME TO THROW ALL MY HOMEWORK IN?
OH NO!!! DID MY BRAIN DISAPPEAR INTO A BLACK HOLE? Is that why i can't find it?
--------------------------------------------------------
end of nutty entry. sorry.

Haha. Don't worry. i'm still sane, i hope.

This is a really testing time for me; a great time for the Lord to show His sovereignty.
Please keep me in prayer. Thank you =)

2006-07-27T22:13:00.001+08:00

LS sent this really nice email to me. Happy reading =)

A little boy was selling newspapers on the corner,
the people were in and out of the cold.

The little boy was so cold that he wasn't trying to sell
many papers.

He walked up to a policeman and said,
"Mister,
you wouldn't happen to know where a poor boy could
find a warm place to sleep tonight would you ?

You see, I sleep in a box up around the corner there and
down the alley and it's awful cold in there for tonight.

Sure would be nice to have a warm place to stay."

The policeman looked down at the little
boy and said, "You go down the street to that big white house and you knock
on the door. When they come out the door you just say
John 3:16, and they will let you in."

So he did. He walked up the steps and knocked on the
door, and a lady answered. He looked up and said,
"John 3:16 ." The lady said, "Come on in, Son."

She took him in and she sat him down in a split bottom
rocker in front of a great big old fireplace, and she went
off. The boy sat there for a while and thought to himself:
John 3:16 ...I don't understand it, but it sure makes
a cold boy warm.

Later she came back and asked him "Are you hungry ? "
He said, "Well, just a little. I haven't eaten in a couple of
days,
and I guess I could stand a little bit of food,"

The lady took him in the kitchen and sat him down to a table
full of wonderful food. He ate and ate until he couldn't eat
any more. Then he thought to himself:
John 3:16 ...Boy, I sure don't understand it but it sure
makes a hungry boy full.

She took him upstairs to a bathroom to a huge bathtub
filled with warm water, and he sat there and soaked for a
while. As he soaked, he thought to himself: John 3:16 ...
I sure don't understand it, but it sure makes a dirty boy
clean. You know, I've not had a bath, a real bath, in my
whole life. The only bath I ever had was when I stood in
front of that big old fire hydrant as they flushed it out.
The lady came in
and got him. She took him to a room,
tucked him into a big old feather bed, pulled the covers
up around his neck, kissed him goodnight and turned out
the lights. As he lay in the darkness and looked out the
window at the snow coming down on that cold night,
he thought to himself: John 3:16 ...I don't understand it but
it sure makes a tired boy rested.

The next morning the lady came back up and took him
down again to that same big table full of food. After he
ate, she took him back to that same big old split bottom
rocker in front of the fireplace and
picked up a big old Bible.

She sat down in front of him and looked into his young face.
"Do you understand John 3:16 ? " she asked gently.
He replied, "No, Ma'am, I don't. The first time I ever heard it
was last night when the policeman told me to use it,"
She opened the Bible to John 3:16 and began to explain
to him about Jesus . Right there, in front of that big old
fireplace,
he gave his heart and life to Jesus. He sat there
and thought: John 3:16 -- don't understand it, but it sure
makes a lost boy feel safe.

You know, I have to confess I don't understand it either,
how God was willing to send His Son to die for me, and how
Jesus would agree to do such a thing. I don't understand
the agony of the Father and every angel in heaven as
they watched Jesus suffer and die. I don't understand the intense
love for ME that kept Jesus on the
cross till the end.
I don't understand it, but it sure does make life worth living.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only
begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should
not perish, but have everlasting life.

If you aren't ashamed to do this, please follow the directions .

Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed
of you before my Father." Pass this on only if you mean it.

I do Love God . He is my source of existence.. He keeps
me functioning each and every day. Phil 4:13 If you love
God and are not ashamed of all the marvelous things he
has done for you, send this on.

Take 60 seconds & give this a shot!
Let's just see if Satan stops this one.

All you do is:

1) Simply say a small prayer for the person who sent you this,
"Father, God bless this person in whatever it is that You know
he or she may be needing this day ! "

2) Then send it on to ten other people.
Within hours ten people have prayed for you,
and you caused a multitude of people to pray to God for
other people. Then sit back and watch the power of God
work in your life for doing the thing that you know He loves.

2006-07-27T01:10:00.000+08:00

:'( Sorry. This entry has quite a fair bit of ranting.

These few days have been really BUSY BUSY BUSY for me. <-and that is an understatement.

The whole Guitar EXCO thing is in full swing. With the new post of IDO, i guess they can give us anything to do because the duties are not clearly defined. Hehs. Oh well. So anyways, we IDOs have to head the SubComms for Seniors' Farewell and CCA Best Practices. In addition, i have been given the temporary quasi-secretary role. i'm in charge of writing minutes and typing them out until LP comes back =) Thank God she'll be back next week and thank God i decided against running for the role of secretary. i'm already struggling without the other responsibilities a secretary has. and i get home so late (8.45pm at least) i don't have much time to open my school bag or my school work. haha.

i feel quite at a loss as to what to do. for guitar, CCA Best Practices, biomed quiz, as well as my studies.
- i didn't join the main ensemble when they learnt the Open Day song-- Yesterday Once More, because i was helping/teaching the newer members. so i am left on my own to figure out how to play the piece by monday, so that i can catch up when they play it. i wonder why i am teaching anyway. it's like the blind leading the blind you know? Thank God that Sally was the Co-IDO. If not, i don't know how i am going to survive.
- This is one of my first few times heading a committee. i didn't know exactly what to discuss or say to the comm. Quite awkward actually.
- biomed. i have a totally bad feeling that i would pull the team down. i was lost during almost every lecture, and i didn't ask questions and still don't ask questions because i didn't KNOW ENOUGH to ask.
- the 3 days of school i missed, in addition to 1 more day i am about to miss, caused me to lag quite far behind the syllabus. (my fault, for being so last-minute) i don't know how i will catch up. SOMEONE HELP!!! Even if someone is willing to give me personal tuition on the topics i missed, i don't know when the lesson(s) can take place. Argh. My schedule is just too packed. i still haven't arranged my next BS with XY.

Despite feeling overwhelmed, i am thankful for the reassurance that i am not going through this on my own. He is Jehovah Shammah -- the Lord is There and ever present. He is Jehovah Jireh -- the Lord will see and will provide =)

"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age"
-- Matthew 28:20 (NIV)
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
-- Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)

2006-07-23T18:05:00.000+08:00

Just in case readers may misinterpret my previous entry:
I did not say that taxpayers' money was wasted. In fact, i view this as a good move. The money used on such facilities show the world that Singapore is an affluent, technologically advanced country. It improves Singapore's image!
If not from taxpayers' money, where else could the money used to build these toilets come from?

2006-07-22T14:51:00.000+08:00

So You Would Come -- Hillsongs Australia
Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come

This is a beautiful song that i sang in PL, which ZM also sent me a few weeks ago. God loves us so much, He sent His Son to die for us, so that we may enjoy a loving, eternal relationship with Him. No matter how unworthy we may think we are, no matter what we have done in the past, God accepts each and everyone just as we are. All we have to do is to say "Yes" to Him, to let Him into our life. Do you want this relationship with the Almighty, Sovereign God?

Yesterday was the last day at IMCB. EAT and i were feeling super nostalgic and we took many photos of the place with JS's camera! haha. Here are some interesting things that happened/noticed.

1) 1st floor toilets in Matrix building had plastic toilet seat coverings, that would change when you scan your hand in front of a scanner. So high-tech. Now we know where some taxpayers' money go to.
2) G8 used the microscope to search for the cells. After fiddling with the microscope for around 15 minutes, we thought we found some cells. You know what? The guy in charge told us it was dirt! SO DUMB. haha.
3) We took a G8 photo with one of the instructors on the SkyBridge. You know what? In the photo, the instructor had a weird smile on his face, and he was not looking at the camera. He was look at ME?? i felt totally freaked out >.<
4) We had some free time and were slacking before the phototaking session. So i asked one of the instructors (yes, the same one) to do my PW survey. He took a look at it and started talking about how people must work to make a marriage work, how he has to take his wife out for dinner to please her and how i should not be asking a married man to do the survey. I was like stunned. It is just a survey? Heh. He did not do it in the end -_-"

That day, EAT was talking about our CT results, how she did not think that she would obtain those grades she had. She was spending a lot of time online, reading and learning more about God, and answering questions, instead of studying. It was only by God's grace that she could get those results. She said that when you give to God, He will give you back hundred, thousand times =)

Yea. i agree with that. In addition, i believe that God can choose any time and any way to "give back" to you. It could be friendships/gifts and many many many more, not necessarily material things. However, the most important thing is simply to do things with the desire to please God; we must be careful not to let the "rewards" be our motivation when doing good.
"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows." -Galations 6:7.
God knows our innermost thoughts and feelings, and He will do things in His time =) We should not "compare blessings", but be content with what God has given to us and do our best to develop them. Parable of the Talents =)

Thanksgiving Service
It was so nice to walk back to PL. It was nostalgic -- the place we spent our last year in PL, where we had chapel, ate, talked, did our exams, collected our results. Heh.
The service was about giving thanks to God. There was a section where people went up to share their testimony about how God has touched their lives. The most memorable one was SA's. She was so touched by how God worked in her life, and was there when she felt at her lowest that she cried several times. (Yes, in front of everyone who was there) However, she did not back out; she pressed on to tell us about her experience. It was so wonderful.

Heh. i thought of going up but i did not dare to do so. i didn't want to sound like i'm boasting because what i wanted to share (if i did, that is.) was about how God led me to NJC and blessed me with so many wonderful friends, many of them also brothers and sisters in Christ (many 4A1'ers don't have many good friends in their JCs now); opportunities and leadership positions, etc. Last year, everyone around me was expecting and "reassuring" me that i would get into RJC.

You see, i did not want to share this because i was partly afraid that i would be "showing off" about my "academic achievements" (many there did not get into JC).
Hehs >.< I know it is a lousy excuse for not sharing about God’s greatness.

Something happened today. It made me realise how we humans often want to do things our own way, according to our own finite understanding of a situation. Sometimes because of something (could be attitude/mindset, pride, fear, previous experiences, etc), we refuse to be still and listen to what God is telling us, or respond to His promptings. If we end up doing what we think is best, and end up doing something is is not beneficial or even detrimental to ourselves. God is all-knowing. We humans have limited knowledge.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him; And He will make your paths straight." -- Proverbs 3:5-6
If we just trust Him and do what He instructs us to do, everything will turn out for the better. i'm super guilty of trying to do things with my own strength. i will change, with God's help =)

Something quite amazing and unexpected is happening sooner than what i expect. i call it a miracle in the working. Let's hope my dream will be realised =)

2006-07-20T21:12:00.000+08:00

God can fill any void in your life, just as He did to mine. Nothing in the world can do what He does and what He did for us. Come taste and see the joy of being in an eternal relationship with Him.
God is so real to me. Open your heart; allow Him to be the Lord of your life today =)

IMCB Worskshop Day 2--
More free time today. Haha. JS, EAT and i secretly tagged on the class blog (<-is it still existent?) while waiting for our Saccharomycees Cerevisiae to finish incubating -_-"
Haha. G8 is such a happening group. Super funny ;) Tomorrow's the last day already =( that's sad. To XQ: i have to do a presentation too >.< and i don't have the slightest idea of what we are supposed to present.

AND i still have tonnes of homework undone. Hehs.

i can't really remember the more significant events today. Haha. Whoops. Sorry! To EAT: i'm waiting for the blog entry you said you would post! Your memory better ;)

Yay. 21 hours to Thanksgiving Service =)

2006-07-19T19:39:00.000+08:00

i am given the post of Induction & Development Officer (IDO)! Co-IDO is Sally. This means my responsibilites are not that HUGE, meaning that i would most probably be able continue as CTrep! =) Wow. Thank God for this wonderful, splendid arrangement =)
i'm kind of "worrying" that i won't be able to face such a huge crowd, organise next year's orientation, etc. You all know that i'm not really a 'people' person (though the CTrep post sort of 'forced' me to become more daring and outspoken). Notice the inverted commas because i know that there is nothing to worry about; God will give me the ability to handle what is to come. Then again, i can't fully shake off the uneasy feeling of being in charge of such a humongous role. The size of Guitar Ensemble is at stake here!

In Christ Alone
In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory
In the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

©1990 Paragon Music Corporation (Admin. by Brentwood-Benson Music Publishing, Inc., 741 Cool Springs Blvd., Franklin TN 37067)
All rights reserved. International copyright secured.
CCLI song #841440

IMCB Student Outreach Programme --
i missed the Community Service Day but i'm glad that the event went okay on the whole for everyone. Congrats to the people heavily involved-- XQ, jiejie, LS and ZM =)
The first day without lessons went quite slowly. First, we were given cool IMCB passes which opened magnetic doors in IMCB. Next, we had a lecture on the safety procedures, cell cycles and importance of protein destruction before going to the 3rd floor lab. (>.< style="font-weight: bold;"> 3.5 HOURS. It was supposed to obtain the cells at various stages of the cell cycle, to be analysed tomorrow. Some of the new equipment we used were a vortex and a microcentrifuge. My lab partner was a J1 from HCI and took 4H2s and 1H1. And i thought my combination was heavy enough. Hehs.

Thoughts:
Something also struck me even more strongly-- the intricate, delicate conditions/processes for life to go on. For instance, there would be no life if cytokinesis, especially if protein destruction by proteasomes did not take place. It is a really "small" mistake that could cause disasterous consequences. Life cannot just "happen" without no cause. Think about it. Why were humans created in the first place? =)

Despite being "time-wasting", it was a good experience. It was a good time of chatting and sharing with EAT (more like listening to her stories. haha). We talked about things from Christianity/Roman Catholicism to her 1 year in UK when she was young, her health conditions, studies etc.
EAT and i felt that labs were dangerous places, and people working there were quite pitiful. Haha. There was only one canteen in close proximity, the food they sold there cost at least $3, they have to face the same benches and substances everyday in search for a breakthrough that would "benefit mankind". Also, forgetting one seemingly innocuous step may cause a major accident and damage. For the sake of safety, such research seemed to waste quite a fair bit of resources as well. For example, micropipette tips have to be discarded after every use and should not be placed back into the mixture to prevent contamination. i laughed a lot and enjoyed myself basically. It was also a good chance to interact with JS and QY. They can be really funny sometimes =)
Oh yes. One more thing(should not write too much about it). Biopolis eerily looks like something from a science-fiction book or movie. You know? Cold, steel structures mysteriously housing who-knows-what kind of research and experiments...
Wahaha. Don't take me too seriously. It's just my overactive imagination caused by reading/watching too many Sci-Fi stuff before ;)

2006-07-18T01:12:00.000+08:00

i had guitar ensemble EXCO interviews today >.< MAY have to step down from CTrep post if i get an EXCO post :'( argh. i don't know why i said that)

i just leave what is to come into God's hands.
It does not matter if i do not ultimately get the post because God will not give us challenges beyond our ability to handle them.

Things happen for a reason.

2006-07-18T00:54:00.000+08:00

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?
-- Mark 8:36 (NIV)

Better is the little of the righteous
Than the abundance of many wicked.
-- Psalm 37:16 (NASB)

6But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
-- 1 Timothy 6:6-10 (NIV)

2006-07-16T15:44:00.000+08:00

i can't wait for Thanksgiving Service at PL on friday! =)
i'll rush there from my IMCB workshop =)

2006-07-16T15:26:00.000+08:00

i just watched "Superhomes" on Discovery Channel Travel and Living. The houses there cost 15m POUNDS on average!? One of the houses featured has this indoor high-tech pool. You can adjust the depth of the pool to suit the competency of the swimmer etc. When it is not in use, it just appears as part of the floor. Oh my goodness... i can't believe such rich people and their high-tech houses exist when people in Sub-Saharan Africa barely have US$0.05 a day to 'live' on.

something else i've realised for quite some time:
i can't focus on doing school work on sunday mornings (when i don't go for service)
i've tried to do work before, but often it is super unproductive.
i'll go for serivce if i had the choice. Precious time would be put to much better use.

2006-07-14T16:56:00.000+08:00

oh yes... one more thing i learnt:

rumours cannot be trusted.
remember i said that there was a rumour that 19% passed Biology? totally wrong! it was high 70+% grade A-E.
for Chemistry? 20% passed? wrong again. 45+% A-Es.

totally not going to listen to any more of such nonsense.
hear, yes. listen, no.

2006-07-14T16:15:00.000+08:00

forgot to add in my random thoughts yesterday:

how does sense of smell work?
wahaha. it suddenly came to my mind during lunch. XQ was like to tally disgusted by the conversation. i think she was most disturbed by the thought that yeast goes into your nose when u smell it. wahaha!

H1 CL oral was today. Thankfully, every word in the passage was readable; and the conversation topic was relatively easy to talk about =)

more marks back. jumped a grade for bio after searching for marks.

2006-07-13T19:26:00.000+08:00

More results are back. i could form a "word" out of them. >.< before moderation: BC SEE

My mum is weird. She keeps saying, "I told you already right? Change to those neighbourhood schools jiu hao le ma. You don't want, now come and suffer..." or "Aiyah, pass can already la."
Totally weird. When other mums threaten/scold/lecture/nag their children for not producing desired grades. i should be thankful, i guess. At least she does not "pressurise" me.

i really thank God for His providence; for it is only by His grace that i would be able to obtain these results (though not outstanding) or have the chance to study in this wonderful school that has given me so many opportunities (despite certain negative aspects).

At the end of the day, i try not to worry too much about the future, because i know that everything is in His hands.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-- Jeremiah 29:11

2006-07-12T18:21:00.000+08:00

nEXCO speeches ended today. i was the 4th candidate in the first batch. Thank God for bringing me through it =)
The next hurdle: INTERVIEWS on monday.

more randomness:
what would life be like...
without the invention of watches?
without perception of colour? or even sight?
without friction? without gravity?
without oxygen in the atmosphere? (of course, if there wasn't gravity, there would be no atmosphere)
without the water cycle? without the sun?

amazing how everything is made up from atoms.

could these little things have come about on their own?
call it 'nature'; but there's not denial about the intricacies of the entire system we're living in.
think about it.

For me, it is overwhelming evidence that an all-knowing God is in control =)
Hallelujah!

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." -- Genesis 1:1 (NIV)

2006-07-12T00:32:00.000+08:00

i decided to put all my random thoughts on my blog. Expect more to come. Wahaha. Must be an increase in entropy or something. LOL. Never mind. OUT OF POINT.

Which came first? the CHICKEN or the EGG?
the CHICKEN.

Thank God for technology. despite some of its negative consequences, it has made life much more comfortable. imagine cooking with charcoal everyday. or having to walk from one place to another just to meet your friend. e.g. from jurong west to changi? or having to scan through SHELVES of books in the library, meticulously flip through EVERY page to find the information you want? believe me, it's not nice at all. just 40 minutes in NJ library searching for books on matchmaking for PW was enough to drain my energy meant for the rest of the day. then again, a library, or even books may not exist! sounds nice huh? NO. then it means we'll have to do manual work to live.
As for the negative consequences, use them to develop yourself further. eg. addiction? use it to develop self-control. dehumanisation of humanity? treasure relationships even more, truly think about and search for what matters most, hold on and grow strong in your faith. basically turn every experience into a learning opportunity.

sorry! my thoughts are so random i cant arrange them coherently.
wahaha. end of another random entry.

2006-07-11T18:09:00.000+08:00

=S tomorrow is the day guitar exco potentials make their speech.

just a random thought.
it takes around 40hours for a scalded tongue to be completely healed without any medical attention.

another random thought.
Humility is a virtue. i have great respect for humble people; i am humbled by humble people. i admire them for willingly putting aside any airs of superiority, to help those weaker than them and to do so without "the help-ed" feeling belittled. i'm thankful for such people in my life =)

Pride is not. i believe that for one to improve, pride must must be removed. for example, i had to remove pride, to not be afraid of making a fool of myself; to converse in mandarin in preparation for H1 Chinese Oral on Friday. HAHA. Previously, no one would be able to hear me speaking in mandarin unless i absolutely had to. eg. when reading aloud in chinese classes.
Excessive pride (i.e. arrogance) often causes great displeasure to others, especially when it seeks to elevate oneself by putting others down.
i am thankful for some of these unpleasant encounters (fortunately, very few so far) because from them, i learn.

"Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." -- 2 Cor 10:17
"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" Mark 8:36

i shall boast in the LORD.

2006-07-08T22:57:00.000+08:00

i was just talking to my dad about my results. i was thinking about physics, how badly i did compared to secondary school days. My dad said something about putting the past behind, because this is a new phase in your life. This reminded me of PL's 2005 theme song:

WE’LL BE FAITHFUL

Forgetting what lies behind
Setting our hearts on the prize
Always keeping our eyes on our Lord Jesus
We’re running the race to win
All the way to the end
Laying down every sin
That would seek to hinder us.

And we’ll be faithful to our calling
For You are able to keep us from falling
For in Your promise, we will trust
You’ll be faithful to finish the work
You began in us.

and the theme verse:

"... forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 3:13-14 (NASB)

2006-07-06T22:13:00.000+08:00

apparently, only 20% passed chem. when i heard it, my mandible dropped.
i have yet to verify if the information is reliable because i didnt hear it from a teacher.
oh well.

2006-07-06T21:48:00.000+08:00

Wow. Some results are out.

I've received okay grades so far. (you just cannot compare them to those in secondary school)
Wanna know my results so far? Here goes.

Physics. B.
Math. E.

The hymn we always sang in PL just rushes back to my mind. Indeed, these are gifts from God; none is accomplished with my own strength alone. Praise the Lord!

To God be the glory, great things He has done;
So loved He the world that He gave us His Son,
Who yielded His life an atonement for sin,
And opened the life gate that all may go in.

Refrain
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the earth hear His voice!
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the people rejoice!
O come to the Father, through Jesus the Son,
And give Him the glory, great things He has done.

O perfect redemption, the purchase of blood,
To every believer the promise of God;
The vilest offender who truly believes,
That moment from Jesus a pardon receives.

Refrain

Great things He has taught us, great things He has done,
And great our rejoicing through Jesus the Son;
But purer, and higher, and greater will be
Our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see.

Refrain