Tuesday, September 19, 2006
10:30 pm
i went to eat dinner with my dad at this quiet and cosy cafe in King's Arcade. i'm so full that i'm unable to sit/stand straight. too bad my sister ate KFC before my dad called her. haha. so it was just dad and i.
honestly, it has been a long long time since we communicated. even though he drives me to school everyday, things we talked about seem quite superficial. a typical conversation on a typical morning can be this (not specific chronological order, some events may overlap):
me as i enter the car: hello
dad smiles, radio plays
dad drives
radio continues playing
both of us laugh at something said on the radio
dad answers his phone call, turns off radio
i push the keys on my phone, check the time occasionally
silence
dad turns on radio again
dad: okay
me: byebye
dad: bye
hehs.
today, i was once again reminded of how i looked up to my dad. heh. seems like the workload and stuff that happened made me forget abt all these =( he's a really wise and intelligent man. inspiring too.
shall say more next time.
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+ +Monday, September 18, 2006
12:17 am
I reached breaking point and broke down just now.
Imagine this: Me laughing and crying at the same time. Laughing at my stubbornness and stupidity, while crying because of the "pain" and "suffering" from being entangled in the vines of integration, choking me, sucking the life and vigour out of me, mocking me. Struggling to break free, on my own. However, the more I try, the worse it seems to get. The vines tighten their grip, choking and suffocating me.
It was totally horrible. Mixed feelings of anger, pain, hurt, regret, and accusations.
It was a totally unpleasant sight. Even I did not dare to look at myself in the mirror. I didn't want to see the mess I showed to my loved ones. How selfish.
Anyway, in tears, I went to the bathroom to shower. Those horrible horrendous feelings were still pulling me apart. I prayed for God to keep my sanity. I was like crying n crying out to God to take all the pain and hurt and anger away. I was trying to force/psyche myself into "changing" my attitude. It didn't seem to help... because I seemed to be clinging onto those feelings, doing things my own way again.
Then what EAT sms-ed to me came to mind... God says, "Child, I can't take it away if you don't let go."
Initially, there was some inertia. Still holding on to those feelings because I felt that I deserved to feel that way. After going through all those, don't I have the right to feel angry, disappointed, hurt?
Songs came to my mind...
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in, Lord
still I will say
Blessed be Your name
so I decided that I should just focus on the blessings God has given to me.
I started a stream of praise and thanksgiving in my heart unto the Lord. The stream turned into a river. As I praised and thanked Him, those negative emotions seemed to fade. Like how darkness slips away in the light, the light of God's majesty and the greatness of the things He has done in my life. God knows I tried, I really did.
Soon enough, all I felt was peace. Complete, total peace that I didn't think was even possible earlier on. Peace that no one would have imagined me having after seeing me break down.
It was exactly what Phil 4:6-7 described.
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (NIV, emphasis mine)
So so so true.
God is so awesome. so awesome that what i put down here in words cannot fully describe.
Amen.
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+ +Sunday, September 17, 2006
1:47 am
i wanted to blog for a few days but i resisted. many things to talk about. list out those i will blog after promos.
- hotel stay
- movie: i am sam
- OBK
GRR..
I woke up at 0645 today, intending to get lots of revision done. Well, i got stuck at practically every math question and practically WASTED MY WHOLE DAY AWAY.
^ That's the super condensed version.
BUT.
for some miraculous reason, i'm not feeling tired even now. awake from 0645 until now, 0145 the next day.
All i can do is to thank God and trust in Him.
Circumstances seem nearly bleak and hopeless. Yet, perserverance builds up our faith.
Push forward.
>.< i better get going.
To all:
All the best for your exams!!
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+ +Monday, September 11, 2006
6:33 pm
''Emptiness is because you aren't actually living. It’s the absence of God's love in your life. I know it's difficult, but sometimes you just have to take that step of faith. How would you know unless you first experience it? If you never ate tao huey in your life, you'll never know how good it tastes. If you never played in your life, you'll never know how fun it is. If you never experience God in your life, you'll never know the extent of his love, so amazing, so awesome, unconditional, unchanging, this love that will carry you through the most difficult times, this love that will make everything else seem insignificant, because all that matters is God. Many people try to fill that hole in their lives. Some turn to material things, some turn to friends, some get into relationships. at the end of the day, there is still that part which is missing in their lives, because nothing, nothing can ever take that place, nothing, except God. i admit it's a big step of faith. A big jump, probably. but it's really the most important step too. A kid will never learn how to walk if he never dares to stand and take that first step. He falls, but he picks himself up, and walks again. His parents are there, encouraging him. God isn’t looking on blindly as you struggle. but he isn’t there to force you to walk either. he is there like your parent, watching you as you take your first step, catching you when you fall, picking you up again, encouraging you, until you grow, strong, each day your step becoming firmer, more confident. Just trust in him and take that first step of faith. You’ll find out that what comes after that is so beautiful, a journey that you've never imagined, a walk with God that goes beyond your wildest dreams.
Have you ever wondered what
This life holds for you
All the troubles that run through your mind
There's a feeling that somehow
No matter what we do
We are left alone crying in the dark
There is much we can believe in
If only we will trust in him
Yet to all who received him
Who believed in his name
He gave the right to be the children of God
I will stand on this promise
I will trust in his name
I know for sure that Jesus will be with me everyday
We are children
We are children of God''
--- Tuesday, September 05, 2006 entry (slightly edited)
iamburpy.blogspot.com
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+ +Friday, September 08, 2006
7:52 pm
AHHHH!!!
i got cheated by door-to-door ice cream sellers =x
mans.
it's okay. i'm okay. if they want to deceive and cheat, that's their problem. i thought they were pitiful. but turns out that... nevermind. revenge is not for me to take.
who knows? they may desperately need the money for some genuine reason.
forgive. forgive. forgive.
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+ +7:25 pm
Since i'm slacking now, i decided i should write my to-do list for the period after promos, lest i forget all my nice plans.
School-based:
NJ Open Day Prep (Guitar)
Project Work
Read chinese books
Enrichment/Fun:
Spanish [i can speak spanish 468.2]
Read "Left Behind" Series (call number LAH) borrowed from Bishan Community Library
Do library CIP at BCL? =)
Borrow more books =P
Watch "Martin Luther" 284.1 and other movies
Exploring sociology, psychology, philosophy
Fictional shares
Faith:
Buy and read "Drawing Near" by John Bevere
Read EAT's book(s) haha
more to come.. can't think of anymore now
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+ +Wednesday, September 06, 2006
11:39 pm
more on
how Bishan rocks:
the show
"Bukit Anak Kambing" season 2 was
filmed in Bishan. not bukit anak kambing -_-"
i could recognise the park near my block, the distinctive Bishan landscape etc.
Bishan is so nice now. that must be why they chose it. haha =P
i love Bishan.
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+ +Tuesday, September 05, 2006
11:37 pm
You want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside You want to have virtue and purify your mind You want to be set free today Then lay it all down before the King-- Extract from the song "My Desire" by Jeremy Camp
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+ +6:51 pm
on the topic of answered prayers:
Mr Goh shared that
all four of his wisdom teeth
grew at the same time initially. Then he prayed.
And well,
three stopped growing! In the end, only one grew.
Whee.
Many many many more examples of answered prayer =)
too many to list (these are only the daily ones)
Want to know more can look in the Bible =)
i sucessfully stayed away from the computer the whole of yesterday.
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23gentleness and self-control. - Galatians 5:22-23
i'm trying to give the fruit of the Spirit a chance to "express". "transcribed" already. in the process of "translation" =P bomb bio
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+ +Sunday, September 03, 2006
4:17 pm
i have a testimony to share!
yesterday night, before i slept, my throat felt itchy, like i was about to get a cough/cold whatever.
i just gargled with some salt solution before sleeping.
and i prayed. When i woke up today, it didn't seem to improve.
i continued praying. The itchy sensation persisted even when i arrived at church. i think it was healed somewhere during the service. all i know was that when service ended, my throat felt normal again. whee =)
Thank God. Praise the Lord =)
and i cut my hair.
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+ +12:33 am
argh. i can't read the chinese words and the spanish words i wrote on both mozilla and internet explorer.
la amiga i left the spanish on msn offline messages for you.
and the chinese words were supposed to be wang4 en1 fu4 yi4.
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+ +Saturday, September 02, 2006
11:24 pm
la amiga, this is what i tagged but seems like your tagboard doesnt support weird characters:
yo contento tú sabe tú MALO =P
yo prestado el libro acerca de pronunciación española en la biblioteca Bishan hoy =)
and i'll need some time to think about your philo question about abortion and euthanasia ;)
Bishan community library opened today!! *chants: i love Bishan! i love Bishan!*
you have oractically everything at your doorstep -- J8, ntuc, CC, mrt, bus interchange, numerous food centres, shops, swimming pool, stadium, and LIBRARY!!! woots. whee.
so nice. 4 floors filled with new books.
i dunno how long i spent at the 200-Religion section. more than half the aisle was filled with Christian books. (some
seem like Christian books but actually may not be written by Christian authors. must be careful)
wahaha.
i borrowed this really nice book titled "
Daughters of the King". It helps you discover more about your personal God-given style, and it seems pretty accurate. It also tells you more about the other females mentioned in the Bible that have similar styles as yourself. Girls only! =P too bad.
i also borrowed another book. it teaches you common Spanish phrases and their proper pronunciations =) i wanted to borrow more but decided against it.
promos first!! after that, i can delve into the Spanish language and other stuff for all i want.
yeay. on the topic of
books, WW introduced this book titled "Drawing Near" by John Bevere. sounds nice, but i haven't got the time and money to go purchase it yet. i'll read it after promos.
heh. after promos again =x
OBKmum suddenly seems quite
against me going for OBK. however, my dad still encourages me to go. i'm in a dilemma. what should i do? sigh. i don't even know if its too late to back out now. i said i won't back out, but after what she said, i'm having second thoughts.
argh.
oh yea. yesterday, i went to celebrate my sister's birthday at Swensens. after eating ice cream and leaving the place, i started feeling super cold. had to lean on my dad for warmth. haha.
sigh. how to survive in Korea like that? its going to be -20 degrees.
i wonder how it is possible to even take a bath. i keep day dreaming about how the water droplets would just freeze on your skin, how to answer nature's call.. must expose skin to -20 degree temperature and ahem... that part isn't exactly very erm... insensitive/unimportant? erms. =x
i feel sorry for which ever unlucky female gets a visit from "her friend" during the trip. heh. and i keep thinking, what if i'm one of those unlucky ones?
the prospect of getting hypothermia and frostbite isn't very exciting either. argh.
how? :'(
Teachers' Dayi didn't go back to PL, but i did visit Ms Lau, who is now teaching "pure blue creatures" instead of "white and navy blue creatures" [just quoting her]
the weirdest thing i ever heard her say was, "flirt more with boys".
What?! haha. the serious-minded, petite, A Math teacher was telling us to flirt? LOL. i totally couldn't believe it, and thought my sense of hearing was failing or something.
and i had a fun time explaining to the ex-blue creatures why i was at their school. hah.
i feel bad for not visiting PL. like i was some kind of 忘恩负义 person, not going back to thank the people who helped me achieve my O level results, and the school which provided me with so many opportunities. gahh.
some of us went to LS's house. she was going to JB for a mission trip during the holidays =) a great woman of God who brought me back to Christ.
JL was quite disappointed because she went there to play with the babies, but the babies were taking their afternoon naps when we finished lunch. so cannot play. hah.
that's all for now =)
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+ +Friday, September 01, 2006
11:44 pm
Indescribable- Chris Tomlin
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colours of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You Know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You Know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
Incomparable, Unchangeable,
You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same.
You are amazing God i love this song the moment i heard it and looked at its lyrics. it totally captures the essence of how great God is, beyond what words can describe. simply indescribable.
how awesome it is that God is in control =)
and you know what? you can get to download it at
http://www.gslcpraiseteam.com/heh. i dunno if its illegal though =x
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